I wrote this poem at 5:00 AM while sitting at my connecting gate in Dallas. I was on an overnight flight from Las Vegas, through Dallas to home in Orlando.
Later, while on the flight I watched each passenger embark. Soon I fell into a pool of tears, not from this poem—although that was part of it--but from realizing how selfish I was to even think this way.
You see, a young boy got on the flight with a surgical mask. My husband remarked, “Oh that’s not good.” Often when people see someone in public with a surgical mask they think, the person has some communicable disease. In fact, it is the exact opposite. This was evident by the boys baseball cap which was embroidered with the words, “Make-a-Wish”. In addition, his mother had on a “Make-a-Wish” t-shirt. The mask was to protect the child from all of us communicating our germs onto him.
I wanted to talk to them, but I could not even look them in the eye. I felt so terrible for the child and wanted so much to take his illness away. It took me several minutes to settle down. But I was sure I had found a new purpose to put my restless mind to.
As soon as I got home, I went online to visit the “Make a Wish” foundation website, offering to volunteer my time. I thought I would post the poem anyway. I have modified it a bit. I could not help but edit after seeing it on a computer screen instead of a cell phone.
Thank you for taking the time to read this long explanation.
~ Sara
***************************************
I find myself often falling
into an uneasy period.
Where I feel like I aimlessly
drift through life without purpose.
Completing tasks handily;
yet feeling perfunctorily
I know, I’m like everyone
Rising, working, managing, controlling
But it seems so senseless
--at least right now
It seems
--do I have the courage to admit it--
It all seems so selfish
Yes, I can still catch
a spectacular sunset
when I have the time
SO?
And sure, I can coddle
my adoring pets
or watch them race around
and inside my life
And even THAT…
that adds to my annoyance with myself
How is it they can be so content
to just eat, sleep and play
--requiring no lofty goals--
and yet I am at my wits end
with finding a purpose to my purpose
Ughhh...I guess the best word
to describe my current state is:
Equilibrium
I always hated entropy
it makes me think of death
Time to find a better reason
to continue my electron's antagonistic
altitude around my
protons and neutrons
and stop being a
molecular prison guard of stuff
I could never work in pediatrics, because you get to see children ravaged by disease on a daily basis. I didn't have the strength. The masks, the scary watching of lab tests for any improvement, the braveness of the children who understand far beyond their years. But then again this world doesn't want to see sick children either and it is selfish. You did a great thing here. Excellent. Liz
I like what Ed said I agree,you give us pause to stop and think about it. You know me long enough, so I don't think I'll offend you by saying,the way I get over these feelings is to know that Creator has a way of equipping us with all we need if we trust it to Him, and I have found that over the years this has proven true. Whenever I get restless and feel selfish and unsure,I get in touch with Him and soon have the answer.You have your answer by doing what you can for "make a wish" and I applaud you for it Sara! Hope it all goes well for you!
It seems
--do I have the courage to admit it--
It all seems so selfish
We truly now live in a very selfish, hustle and bustle, modern day world - sadly, a world of 'Me.' And it is only through thoughts and poems like yours, that we can stop, look around, think about it all, and attempt to do something positive.
Oof. I get dizzy just thinking about it. All that suffering, hunger, pleading-eyes haunting sloshing around in my brain like (as my friend says,) like an out-of-balance washing machine in the spin-cycle... You just do what you can-- reach out to those you can, and help one person at a time. This poem is a good part of that. Thank you for rearranging my brain cells a bit. I don't feel quite so lop-sided now. --Charlie
It is not often we get to come face to face with the real courage of youth and children who though facing death or a lifetime of sickness...still, manage to find a way to exist and thrive even if only in their minds and hearts...good luck with your volunteering, I have no doubt you will be a great asset to their goals.
I believe we all have a need for purpose, Sara. It is inbuilt and we are disempowered and frustrated until we find our natural outlet. It is strange how it is very wedded to feelings of empathy and compassion, too, which spill over when our "give" has not been exercised in the right direction and adeaquately. But it's a good place. A place of sensitivity and alertness. I am so pleased you put your feelings into action. Now you will begin to feel energised and more peaceful, I'm sure. I love all of this offering. The picture moves me to tears when I think of all the prejudices some have to deal with in life, before they even start to live it. I can so relate to your experiences of people-watching and the ways in which you react. I love the honest questing in this poem. And your resolve to deal with it. In short, I salute you, Sara. Your final stanza was a great switch and a clever contrast between the scientific and physiological which can be cold and calculating, and the inner emotional drives and sensory responses. Brilliant stuff. TY Kate xx
Through your poem you bring attention to the "Make A Wish" Foundation and for that I applaud you. They are a wonderful organization as are others and need all the help they can get. God bless you....
What a profound message is given through your beautifully penned poem... I spent the last six years working with a non-profit organization helping the children of Haiti. It was a wonderfully rewarding "job," yet also filled with many heartaches... but I found such purpose in helping! While I know it was time for me to quit and to concentrate on just being a mom again, I miss feeling as though I am fulfilling a purpose for others...
Cryssa
There, but for the Grace of God, go we. A powerful lesson here to not assume, to reach out in compassion, to help others who need a loving word, a gentle touch, a last wish - excellently penned, truly a miracle reading these words.
Reflections and Nature Watercolors is a collection of Margaret's spontaneous positive thoughts in celebrating and reflecting on life and her nature watercolors.
These timeless quotations culled from the celebrated corpus of writings by W.E.B. Du Bois are presented with illuminating introductory essays by Aberjhani. Narration of the Audible book performed by Catherine Byers.
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--at least right now
It seems
--do I have the courage to admit it--
It all seems so selfish
We truly now live in a very selfish, hustle and bustle, modern day world - sadly, a world of 'Me.' And it is only through thoughts and poems like yours, that we can stop, look around, think about it all, and attempt to do something positive.
Fee
Be always safe,
Karen
Cryssa
There, but for the Grace of God, go we. A powerful lesson here to not assume, to reach out in compassion, to help others who need a loving word, a gentle touch, a last wish - excellently penned, truly a miracle reading these words.
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.