Each Night I Fear to Sleep

Each night I fear to sleep

 Fear the pain

 Lurking in the deep recesses

 Of a mind

 Unguarded in repose

 The flickering fires

 Of memories

 And doubts

 That sear the soul

 Turn heart to ashes

 And leave the Life Force

 Without purpose

 Or direction

 The dark without

 Incomparable

 To the dark within

 No one hears

 No one sees

 No one cares

 No trust

 No hope

 Why sleep this temporary rest

 When on the other side

 Eternal peace beckons

 Torment

 Decisions

  I am awake

 But I do not open my eyes

 I am not ready yet

 To face another day

 Not ready

 To relinquish the night

 Or the sleep

 That had been so hard to grasp

 And now abandons me again

 I wait

 Eyes closed

 Focused

 Searching

 Seeking inside myself

 For the reason

 To live another day

 It is an ethereal thought

 With no reality

 No foundation

 A tenuous connection

 To the other Me

 The one without failure

 Aloneness

 Or the dark ghosts

 Of an abusive past

 Each time

 I stand on the precipice

 Of deep despair

 And sweet release

 Of non being

 That other Me

 Like a Siren of the waves

 Of Time and Space

 Beckons my return

 To an unknown future

 Determined by this Now

 I cannot face or fathom

 Each night I fear to sleep

 Fear the pain

 Lurking in the deep recesses

 Of a mind

 Unguarded in repose