Fill-in-the-Blank Poetry Bandwagon

If I were black, then I could
probably join some Afro poetry
bandwagon, wearing some traditional
African costume, celebrating
my warrior spirit and my exuberant
sexuality that my big butt mama
gave me, speaking my powerful
masculine words to the sound
of the drum beats,

Or I could be some spoken word cool cat,
writing urban verses about gang bangs
and my homies in the ghetto,

But I’m just a heterosexual white male,
who is not too physical
and reserved when it comes to sex—

No, I could never join some Afro poetry
bandwagon, for I’m too uptight and
too white for that.

If I were a woman, then I could join
some goddess poetry bandwagon,
where I could celebrate my uterus
and ovaries and talk about joys
of motherhood and birth pains
and PMS, and how all men are pigs
and rapists and abusers, and I could
talk about my plight and the plight
of my sisters,

But I’m just a heterosexual white male
and I’d sound ridiculous celebrating
my penis or my balls,
and I’m too insecure about my penis size
anyway,

Perhaps if I were gay, then I could join
some gay and lesbian poetry bandwagon
and sympathize with my bisexual
and transgender brothers and sisters
and shout proudly about taking it
in my mouth or from behind,

But I’m just a heterosexual white male,
masturbating on weekends without a date,

Perhaps if I turned my life to Jesus,
then I could join some Jesus poetry bandwagon,
proclaiming freedom from sin
and the power of the Lord,
and the promise of the eternal life,

But I’m just an atheist, and I have nothing
to prove or disprove to anyone,
and I could never join
some metaphysical poetry bandwagon,
for bullshit has never been my forte.

For I’m just a heterosexual white male,
transplanted into this foreign universe,
where people group together according
to their beliefs and convictions,
their crosses and their flags,
their allegiance to some
higher authority,

But I just carry myself like
some rude awakening
to anyone who’d like me to join
their camaraderie of insincere assholes,

For I’m like a hemorrhoid in their ass
reminding them of the reality
that I’m not like them,
nor do I want to be.


   November 18, 2006
--Alexander Shaumyan