All Downside-Up!

Some say ‘O-O-O you’re sexy

others think, ‘hmm you’re cute’

I’m Smart yet I feel so dumb

Intellectual! But often I feel so stupid

Appear abrasive & calloused

As sensitive as a child

Always– I wear a smile–

inside aching with a frown

Usually I seem happy

Am consumed with sadness

Have Never I met a stranger except in myself

Wouldn’t hesitate to challenge –ANYONE

Posing a threat to someone I love

But who will fight for me? 

A foreign land is this world

Yet familiar enough to eek out an existence

My heart cries constantly for the pain of others

So why do I hate myself so?

Laughter permeates my countenance

While loneliness saturates my being

Admired by so many

Yet trust so few

Crave an end to the madness

Yet right at home in the chaos

Determined I am...

Never to resign from life

But I hate waking up every day

Who in the name of God am I?

Why don’t I fit?

Where do I really belong?

When will it all end?

So creatively disguised in my insanity

Who’ll discern that I need help?

Anger & bitterness are my motivations to live & fight

Yet speckled with love & compassion 

Tainted by violence & hatred

and never will I do this to another

Often I feel so confused

But deep, deep inside I am certain 

God truly knows my pain & He cares

My search for the profound meaning of my life will always lead UPward

Because I realize my true identity will Only be found thru knowing Him better –

That space of complete, unadulterated Trust & Peace...

That place ........................ where God is!

SyD ©1982