·        They either already know who they are, or they are acting as if they are the person they want to be.

     We are all trying to close the gap between who we are and who we want to be. The only differences are in how wide our gaps are, how wide we perceive them to be, and the efforts we make and the results we get from trying to close these gaps. Put another way, we are all striving to survive as our ordinary self, hoping someday to be our best self.

     The magical place these celebrities landed was in becoming their signature self.  Getting to this illusive place is a perplexing catch-22 dilemma.  As it turns out, your signature self is the results you get from the things you do to get those results. You have to do certain things to become your signature self before you can enjoy the benefits of being it.

     Your signature self is a composite of realizing and using your unique talents to develop and live all aspects of your self—mental, emotional, physical, social, vocational and spiritual. It is simply the full you at your best.

     There are five secrets of discovering and living your signature self, against which you can gage your own progress:

·        Ensemble Thinking

·        Choicesless Awareness

·        Likeable Personality

·        Admirable Character

·        Appealing Appearance

ENSEMBLE THINKING

     The idea for your signature self becomes known to you through the process of ensemble thinking.  The best example of this type of thinking is seeing how these secret paths all weave their way with each other to merge to a single path towards your signature self. Sometimes it is difficult to see where one ends and the other starts, like a tangled slinky.

     Ensemble thinking discovers the important relationships between things such as optimistic expectations and their positive outcomes, words and the realities they help shape, and the productive results of letting go and giving more to get more.

     One very important relationship we all need to see clearly is the one between how we really see ourselves and the ideal person we dream of being. The wider the gap, the more the struggle or denial. And the only genuine gap-closer is becoming your signature self by discovering all these other secrets.

CHOICESLESS AWARENESS

     A natural habit we all get caught up in is to divide the whole world into opposites—good or bad, pleasure or pain, right or wrong, and rewards or punishments. We continually chase after one or the other until we finally see the futility of always ending up empty-handed, no matter which side of the equation we are on, how many people agree with us, or how right we are convinced we are.

     This uncomfortable realization starts the process of reconciling both halves of life for fulfilling meaning and satisfaction. This is where “opposites” are recognized as just being different sides of the same coin (night and day being part of a 24-hour period) and where many of our “sacred cow” beliefs become impotent. At this point we are beginning to see that what we see depends mostly upon where we are doing the seeing. Change sites and the seeing is much different.

     The important secret in striving for balance between this and that is in knowing the three different grades:  (1) maintaining a healthy balance between such things as thinking and feeling, doing and being, and selfishness and altruism (2) leaning towards such things as listening over talking, humility over pride, and giving over taking, and (3) letting a few extremes rule, such as creating vs. destroying, accepting vs. controlling, and loving vs. not loving. Such balance joins together for the unified, single-mindedness that brings genuine comfort, security and peace from all the annoying chaotic chatter and endless details of a busy life.

LIKEABLE PERSONALITY

     The connection between a likeable personality and success is no longer a secret. It is now widely known that other people are drawn to a likeable personality and repulsed by an unlikeable one, and this factor alone contributes to the lion’s share of success in life. The only secret is what makes us to be perceived as either likeable or unlikeable.

     The plethora of research indicates that you are more likely to be seen as likeable when you project a comfortable sense of realness, trustworthiness and appeal to others. Such an image is made up of being agreeable, honest, humorous, open-minded, positive, polite, stable, sincere, empathetic and a good listener. On the contrary, you are more likely to be perceived as unlikeable when you appear to be disagreeable, dishonest, over-serious, close-minded, negative, rude, volatile, phony, insensitive and over-talkative.

     Having a likeable personality is both a path to and an outcome of becoming your signature self. There is probably no better way to increase your likeability than to practice the Golden Rule of treating others the way you want to be treated yourself. After all, what goes around comes around. That is the circle of life.

ADMIRABLE CHARACTER

     The deepest secret of your signature self is the character and values you consistently live, especially during the testing adversities of temptation and stress. An admirable character emerges when you start the challenging process of reconciling your human and spiritual selves; but before you can do this you have to get to know your whole self, including your darker shadow.

     The way you usually do this is through a painful path of trial and error full of broken bones and bruises, which eventually induces a transformation in which you to shift attention away from the outer, ephemeral things your mind thinks you want (because they are un-real), to focusing on the inner, lasting things that can truly nourish your soul (because they are real). The nourishment your soul wants you to let go to is unconditional love and acceptance, wisdom and understanding, creativity, compassion and service to others. 

APPEALING APPEARANCE

     Here is the good news. You don’t have to look like George Clooney or Nichole Kidman to unlock the success secrets of becoming your signature self. Being your signature self will unlock the secrets of your appealing appearance. They are a result of learning these other secrets.

     You don’t have to be lucky enough to be born with movie-star, drop-dead handsome or gorgeous looks; you just have to put a little effort into showing what you have in the best light. This involves accentuating your best features like eyes, hair, mouth, body, voice or mannerisms; practicing good grooming and posture; exercising and keeping fit and healthy, being energetic, positive and likeable; and dressing stylishly. More than anything, having an appealing inner self will shine outwardly with an unmistakable glow.

     By unlocking these five secrets to becoming your signature self, you can join the celebrities with enough happiness, success and peace to last a lifetime. The best kept secret is you are already on the path to doing this. The more you realize this reality, the more you will become your signature self. The real secret is merely a matter of letting go and trusting the natural flow of life.