PREDICTING GREAT RELATIONSHIPS
By
Bill Cottringer

Given the current failure rate of marriages and intimate relationships, I think it is important to find out what are the things that are predictive of success and failure in a relationship. The results can help identify a good model of personal characteristics, behaviors, attitudes, values and traits to strive towards.

Success research in general identifies four main areas that are highly predictive of success. Success herein is defined as making more money, reporting being happy and content, accomplishing goals, having better health and getting recognition for achievement. Here are the four areas:

Successful Intelligence—using a mixture of logic, creativity and practical common sense to solve problems, in getting the best results quickly and effectively without undesirable side-effects; using a variety of mental skills to help you close the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

Emotional Intelligence—consistently practicing self-awareness, accurate perceptions, empathy, and self-control; awareness of and appropriate expression of positive emotionality and control over negative emotionality.

Social Intelligence—being likeable, socially adaptable, “real,” agreeable, positive/optimistic, socially outgoing, conscientious, well adjusted emotionally, good communicator, honest, open, polite, community service-oriented, and making a vocational contribution by developing and using talents and skills to make a difference.

Spiritual Intelligence—being grounded in what life means to you, living a life you believe is based on moral goodness, showing reverence to life, knowing and carrying out your own signature purpose in life, practicing unconditional love and enabling others.

My hypothesis is that the more the two people practice all these things in these four areas in their relationship, the better the chance they would have in being in a great one filled with growth, understanding, authentic happiness, love, deep meaning, peak communication, effective conflict resolution, contentment, real success, and longevity. Let’s hear from you folks that have both good and bad relationship experiences…agree or disagree?

Anther interesting speculation is the paramount importance of mutual attractiveness. Try using this scale on yourself and your mate—maybe in both past failures and current successes. The let me know if higher scores are definitely related to more successful relationships.




ATTRACTION RATING SCALE
© 2003 William Cottringer, Ph.D.


Directions: Rate your potential or present partner in the following areas and factors by circling a number 1-5 that represents your best estimate of how much you are attracted to him/her, 1 being the lowest attraction and 5 being the highest. If you are really brave, have them rate you and compare results!

AREA, FACTORS POINTS

1. PHYSICAL ATTRACTION:

Face 1 2 3 4 5
Body 1 2 3 4 5
Grooming 1 2 3 4 5
Hygiene 1 2 3 4 5
Fashion 1 2 3 4 5
Sexuality 1 2 3 4 5

2. PERSONALITY ATTRACTION:

Outgoing nature 1 2 3 4 5
Pleasant, easy to get along with 1 2 3 4 5
Positive, upbeat attitude 1 2 3 4 5
Happy, fun-loving 1 2 3 4 5
Similar interests 1 2 3 4 5
Socially poised 1 2 3 4 5

3. INTELLECTUAL ATTRACTION:

Education 1 2 3 4 5
Knowledge 1 2 3 4 5
Common sense 1 2 3 4 5
Ability to converse 1 2 3 4 5
Creativity 1 2 3 4 5
General competence 1 2 3 4 5

4. CHARACTER ATTRACTION:

Honesty 1 2 3 4 5
High self-esteem, confidence 1 2 3 4 5
Compatibility of values 1 2 3 4 5
Emotional openness 1 2 3 4 5
Commitment to growth 1 2 3 4 5
Morality 1 2 3 4 5

5. OTHER ATTRACTION:

Family 1 2 3 4 5
Friends 1 2 3 4 5
Religious views/spiritual connectedness 1 2 3 4 5
Vocational achievement 1 2 3 4 5
Financial Status 1 2 3 4 5
Magical chemistry 1 2 3 4 5

Total Score __________


SCORING KEY:


30 – 53 = Dangerously low attraction, why are you even considering this?
54 – 77 = Low attraction, probably won’t last.
78 – 101 = Average level of attraction, will need considerable tolerance and work!
102 – 125 = Healthy level of attraction, will need some nurturing.
126 – 150 = Very high attraction, good selection and a real keeper to enjoy!


Note on comparing degree of mutual attraction: A difference of more than 25 points in total scores between you and your partner could signal serious lack of mutual attraction.