THE DIFFICULTY OF BREAKING ADDICTIONS
By Bill Cottringer


Once we understand the power and complications of addictions, it becomes obvious why they are so resistive to unlearning and undoing. First of all, addictions are as much part of life as the sun and moon. There are negative, unhealthy and destructive addictions, but there are also positive, healthy and productive ones. Obviously, it is the left side of the equation below that is the real problem to understand and solve. Consider these bad and good addictions:

Negative, Unhealthy Addictions

• Gambling
• Unhealthy Relationships
• Sex & Pornography
• Substance Abuse
• Depression
• Abusive Behavior


Positive, Healthy Addictions:

• Knowledge & Understanding
• Healthy Diet
• Exercise
• Altruistic Service
• Optimism
• Success Strategies

So why are addictions so powerful and resistive to undoing? The first thing to understand is that all addictions involve a very strong interaction between thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and biology that form strong, permanent-like learning super-glued to the outcomes they produce. These interactions reinforce and strengthen each other in an impervious, unified front; untangling them to divide and reduce their strength can be a nightmare of insanity and confusion that just keeps the negative vicious circle going stronger.

The simplest way to understand this entanglement is: I think staying in this abusive relationship is better than what might happen if I try to get out of it. This makes me feel rather hopeless and helpless. I am a failure because I know there is a better way to live. But I am safer doing nothing. At least I don’t have to feel worse from trying and failing.

Secondly, the basis of any addiction is the result that occurs between thinking, feeling and doing anything that involves the combination of both pleasure and pain. All addictions involve positive rewards that are pleasurable and negative ones that are painful. What is usually not understood is that both pleasure and pain, when mixed, can be very rewarding overall. Kind of like the extremes of hot pie ala mode and cold ice cream or the adrenalin and fear of jumping out of an airplane. This is why gambling and pornography are multi-billion dollar businesses. Such odd reinforcement makes for a permanent-like habit very resistive to undoing.

The road to cure unhealthy addictions starts with understanding the huge concrete wall you are confronting, as the addict or the person trying to help undo the addiction. Some realities to consider in this process are discussed below.

All “cures” to any problem start with understanding why and how the bad habit started and what it is currently doing for you that you don’t want to give up for one strange reason or the other. This is where logic goes out the window and emotion and chemistry take over. People can see the physical horrors of smoking firsthand and yet keep puffing away.

Probably one of the most effective means for undoing a negative addiction is to transfer the rewards of both pain and pleasure with a substitution of a positive addiction. Committing a serious crime can pose an unbelievable adrenalin rush but also an inescapable possibility of death or long term incarceration; but mountain-climbing, jumping out of an airplane or white-water rafting down the Snake River in Hell’s Canyon can offer very similar pleasure and pain extremes.

Before you can make the transition from a negative to positive addiction, you must really understand the payoffs you are presently getting from continuing the negative addiction. Why do juvenile delinquents stand up for their abusive parents? Because some attention, even when it is hurtful, is better than none at all. Why do smokers continue smoking past common sense? Because the smoking is effective in reducing the anxiety—especially the overwhelming anxiety that would occur from not smoking.

Breaking any addiction is the ultimate test of will-power and if you don’t have 110% commitment, the addiction will keep getting worse. While it is true you may have had some help falling into the hole you are at the bottom of, no one else can lift you out except yourself. So at least consider quitting digging deeper while you sort things out in your mind. And admittedly, sometimes the addiction is so biochemical, that a little help from legitimate drug therapy is called for, to allow you to be able to think clearly about what is happening.

William Cottringer, Ph.D. serves as President of Puget Sound Security in Bellevue, WA. He is author of several self-development books including You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too, The Bow-Wow Secrets, and Do What Matters Most. He can be reached for comments and questions at 425-454-5011 or at bcottringer.pssp.net