Before healing there must be spirit filled confession. I have not been completely truthful with you. I’m human, yes you know that but an open book I am not. For the most part I’m very much consistent. However being human I’ve allowed emotion on occasion to rule rather than spirit. I yelled when I should have whispered. I pouted when I should have smiled. I cried when I should have laughed. I walked away when I should have hugged you. I cared more than I said. I shared little and loved more than I showed.
As I write this now I realize that I must forgive myself. I do. Regardless of what went down please know that who I am in heart has not changed. I’m still here and not going anywhere. Through it all I remain loving, supportive, selfless, and patient.
Dang, I just realized the hardest thing for me was letting go. There have been times when I enjoyed your needing and depending on me. You stood on your own and reclaimed independence I got sad even though I was proud of you. It’s good to feel needed, to be able to help and contribute but one must know when to stop it not fair to either parties involved.
Well the time has come for me to hit the bed as it is 3:00 am but let me tell you continue your independence. I refuse to be an enabler any more and I can be ok with you not needed me. Don’t allow anyone to put you in that situation again.
PS. This is not just about us and/or me – I take responsibility for my actions. I hope in time you can take responsibility for yours. Ladies, forgive yourself, forgive the father, forgive the brother, forgive the mother, forgive the husband, lover, and whoever else that has hurt you caused you to cry or come out of character.
Let it go and step forward with me
Always
Zakiya
