Everyone over thirty has experienced some such senior moment, but it is not until much later--thirty to forty years later--that such moments become commonplace. They then begin to include other things, like word loss. While attempting to describe an adventure to friends, we suddenly find that the words are not there. We grope, trying to remember. We say, "It's on the tip of my tongue." It seems to float in the ether nearby, yet refuse to settle where we can grab it. This loss, or forgetting, often happens right at the climax of the story, just when we'd hoped to be most dramatic--and suddenly we find we've lost our audience as the listeners grow iimpatient with our stumbling and bumbling. In a groiup. someone else will almost surely take advantage of the moment to interrupt and tell a story of their own. This experience, many times repeated, can be so damaging to the ego that we begin to fear to speak up in the first place, and our voices are lost to the world at the very moment we've acquired the wisdom of age. Do we dare to speak up in a crowd? And what about public speaking, what about our annual talk for the Garden Club? Better not. Our confidence shaken, we opt to keep silent.

The loss of confidence carries over to driving. What if we have a senior moment on the hightway? What if an accident occurs because of it? It would be so horribly humiliating, possibly devastating healthwise, and maybe even risky to others. We begin to drive only when necessary, thus further limiting our contacts with others and placing heavier demands on our caregivers.

I watched this sort of thing happening to my mother. I watched her world grow more and more narrow as her mind grew more depressed. To counteract this, I began driving her to her various club meetings and the events she'd always participated in. I soon found that this took all my time and I was unable to maintain my own frtiendships and contacts. I began to gain insight into the lonely life of the caregiver, of whiich there were destined to be many years ahead for me.

I've experienced caregiving from both sides now, and I know that the most important thing is communicating. This is hard, since the other person hasn't always walked in your shoes--but it's the only way to avoid those misunderstandings that add such infinite frustration to an already frustrating task. On both sides, it's necessary to stifle implatience and try for understanding. Must this person move so slowly? Yes, because of the stiff joints of old age. Must she demand to be driven places when she's a perfectly capable driver? Better that than risk an accident and possible lawsuit. Her reaction time has slowed.

There will be many elderly in the Boomer generation and this problem can only get worse--unless we prepare ourselves for the onslaught.