It is important to communicate effectively with others as 85% of success in life is related to how well we get along with other people.

Firstly, use language that conveys a positive message. This includes language that focuses on what you want, not what you don’t want. The mind does not process negatives. For example if you say to a person, “Don’t shout at me.” They will think of an image of shouting, not talking quietly. Create a daily “to do” list to concentrate on the important things, not the petty things. This helps the mind to stay focused and positive.

Secondly, use language based on the belief that people want to communicate with you as long as you show, courtesy, respect and consideration for them. Acknowledge that people are not their behaviors. They are much more than that. See the good in others.

Thirdly, give effective feedback in the appropriate context. To make feedback constructive, first gather information about what has been done so far and then congratulate the person. Suggest some areas for improvement based on criteria rather than interpretation and do not overwhelm with information. Say to the client or student, “Now tell me where you are going to make changes?” End the session on a positive note.

The fourth way is to use a context or content reframe to manage a challenging situation. Firstly step back, take a deep breath and view the situation from a third perceptual position or bird’s eye view. Act on the feedback you are getting using your sensory acuity to adopt more flexible behaviors. Notice the subtle body changes in the person such as breathing, eyes, lips, tone of skin and the change in color of the hands or feet. Adjust your pace to develop rapport using postures or language familiar to the social situation. Ask yourself, “What is there to be learnt from this situation?” Use an I statement such as, “I expect… Or “I feel… when you…”

Fifthly use affirmations and other positive self-talk to keep yourself in a positive state when communicating with other people. Notice your own self-talk and correct it if it is not benefiting you.  Adopt a useful affirmation such as, “I am working in perfect harmony with the universe and those around me”. Visualize the planned events for the day as being resonant, pleasant and successful.

Sixthly use language to suit diverse needs. Visual predicates (such as see, look, view), auditory predicates (such as hear, listen, resonate), and kinesthetic predicates (such as feel, touch, grasp) are helpful to use when addressing audiences with particular needs. You may know that a student or client is for example, a kinesthetic learner because of the things they like to do. They might be keen on sports or hands-on activities. So by using the kinesthetic predicates when conversing with them, they will get a clearer image of what you are saying, because those particular predicates are meaningful for them.

Lastly become aware of the body language you use. Practise using the Satir body language stances, to communicate effectively with others. These patterns include the blamer that uses the pointed index finger. Not a good stance to use unless you are doing so in a joking way. The second stance, the placater, uses open palms to win over an audience. The third stance, the computer, has one hand under the chin with the other hand resting under the elbow of the first hand. This stance is useful to show that you are thinking about a particular problem or coming up with a solution. The distracter, uses an asymmetrical stance that is used when entertaining. The arms and legs move all over the place. Lastly the leveler stance is shown with palms down to demonstrate calmness.

These 7 points if incorporated into your life, will help you to communicate more effectively with yourself and other people.

Gaye O’Brien is an NLP Trainer, Coach, Educational Consultant, Author and Speaker. She has authored the book, NLP Essentials for Teachers: The Art of Encouraging Excellence in Your Students. She is also a contributor to the best selling series, Adventures in Manifesting: Healing Within and Entrepreneur Success Stories: How Common People Achieve Uncommon Results. www.nlpessentials.com