13 January 2024

Joshua Kobza CEO

Dear Mr. Kobza:

Please excuse me for addressing you with this public letter. Your Zendesk software is a barrier to customers' direct personal communications with Zendesk customer service agents in your vast global organization because their last names, if they exist as humans, are concealed. Their language seems programmed to be polite and politically correct, and they never curse or swear, as all humans with a limbic system in the right hemispheres of their brains do to relieve stress. Yet I was assured by one of them that they are not robots or artificial intelligence bots.

I shall send a copy of this open letter to the Miami address of RBI although it is highly unlikely it will penetrate the system shielding you from profane addresses and a suggestion that would add millions to Burger King’s bottom line if implemented. I can only hope that its public nature will motivate someone who knows you to call it to your personal attention.

I received the wrong order at your BK on 5th Street and Alton Road in South (Miami) Beach, so I pled via your Zendesk program for a replacement since the manager was not available at the moment. My communication was rejected because I used the word “damn” as exclamation in the message, a word that the Zendesk programmers must believe only God can employ against sinners even though BK employees pronounce it upon occasion in several languages. I rephrased the issue, and I was provided with a support coupon for twice the amount I had paid, for which I had to load the BK app on my phone, and with the proviso that I spend more than its value and use it all at once, both of which I found objectionable because all I wanted was a real Whopper, not a burned veggie burger, and I thought a phone call to that end would do, which the agent informed me was absolutely impossible to do. 

The instructions with the “support” credit disallowed me from receiving support inside the store. That was absurd, so I stopped by the BK store during lunch. The employees could not figure out how to use it. I learned that the so-called support I was given for South (Miami) Beach was not available at the two stores there. I do not have a car, so I was expected to to take a Uber round trip to a POS location that accepts “support” credits.

The store was busy for lunch. I am sure you, with your background in construction, would have been amused by the behavior of the foreman of a large construction project nearby. He was raising holy hell over the virtual chaos at the counter, which he attributed to recent changes involving the placement of kiosks at the counter itself and a policy of trying to be nice instead of serving fast food fast. 

“You are wasting time! We have a half-hour for lunch. You gotta be losing money. You don’t even care about me anymore. You want to call me Number 48 instead of by my name!”

I am divided within between management and labor. I sympathized with the BK employees present. Why they would want to work there unless they were desperate for work I cannot say. I remember that someone could start at the counter and work their way up to a big salary in management.

Well, Mr. Kobza, I reiterated my complaint to Zendesk, and I was provided with an imaginary credit card for $20. Again, all I wanted was the Whopper I had paid full price for, despite my having invested hours in trying to get it. I printed out the Ecard image and returned to my favorite BK with it. Olga, the cashier, showed it to Tanya, the manager, who took it into her office, and she came back and had Olga put the credit-card numbers and PIN into the credit card reader at the counter. Walla! I received the Whopper I wanted, leaving a credit balance on the card.

I am a grateful constructive critic by nature, so I made a constructive suggestion via Zendesk. Provide reloadable plastic credit cards to support customers, not only those who bitch about service, and thus boost sales. I would be astonished if you do not have this no-brainer strategy in the works already.

And, to make it popular, I suggested the cards bear the image of a female bull dog, so that card holders can consider themselves members of a ‘BK Bitchers Club,’ entitling them with special awards for constructive bitching.

Of course Zendesk blocked my message because of the programmers’ misunderstanding of the real meaning of the word ‘bitch.” I provide a link below to my preliminary essay on that subject, which I may develop into a 2,000 word academic paper for feminists to consider. And you shall also find a link below to my Inquisition on a Whopper. 

Bon Fortuna,

David Arthur Walters

THE VIRTUE OF BITCHING

The Virtue of Bitching

https://miamimirror.blogspot.com/2024/01/the-virtue-of-bitching-by-almost-dead.html

ZENDESK CHAOS

ZENDESK CHAOS AT BK

https://miamimirror.blogspot.com/2023/12/sorrow-for-burger-king-customers.html