INTERVIEW WITH MY FAVORITE BICYCLE THEFT VICTIM
by David Arthur Walters
January 21, 2020
"Good Morning, David!" Liz said cheerily as she rolled up on her new bike to where I sat in South Pointe Park in South Beach.
"Oh, Hi! Excuse me, let me save this," I said as I closed out the notepad on my phone.
"What are you working on?"
"I'm researching President Andrew Johnson's impeachment trial, reading Madison in the Federalist Papers, and looking into Facebook posts about North Beach."
"I don't like North Beach."
"I don't like it much either from the conversation I'm having with a few people there, but I really don't know what it's like. I hear from developers that it is blighted, a dead end, needs to be fixed up with a hundred million dollars."
"I can take you up there to see it after I get back from Washington. You will not be impressed. South Beach is the place to be or leave Florida."
“Someone told me he met nice people there at a Publix. I was impressed by how nice people were in Tamarac when you took me up there.”
“They are even politer in Washington, more civilized, even the homeless people.”
A bicycler was passing by at the moment with music blaring from a speaker on his bike. He glared at us and made an obscene gesture.
"What's up with him?" I asked. “Why did he do that? I’m glad I do not own a gun,”
"I gave him a look because of the music," she said.
Liz has a way of scrunching up her face at annoyances, I thought, and the jerk on the bike deserved it.
"I hate bicyclers except for you, Liz, especially when they put on helmets and ride around together and disobey traffic rules, or when they refuse to use the bike lanes we supply, or are discourteous on sidewalks."
"Drivers are terrible too. People down here don't follow the rules."
"Yeah, I remember a car hit you on Fifth pulling out of an alley."
"Yes! He knocked me down!"
"Good thing you were not badly injured. And then I remember you were thrown off your bike and hurt in front of the vitamin store because the city was working on the road and left the pavement uneven without a warning sign."
"That's right. I was bloody and bruised. People came out an helped me get up."
"I was just thinking of you a minute ago and here you are."
"Kabala, kabala!"
"I told Commissioner Samuelian's aide that I would consult with my favorite bike theft victim about his comment on my summary of steps that could be taken to curb bike thefts. You know who that is. Did you get my email?"
"I sure did. I was furious! The things the police recommend are the very things I did — use a good lock, park in well-lit area, lock my bike to the city's bike stands, and I've had four bikes stolen...."
"I stopped asking bikers if they have had a bike stolen, I said. "I just ask them how many they have had stolen. One lady said she had nine stolen. She started getting cheap bikes after the fourth one. When the sixth one was stolen in front of McDonalds. she just took the bike he had arrived on, and she said it gave a better ride until it was stolen. If you don't want to have your bike stolen in South Beach, don't buy one, and if you do buy one, get the insurance. And...."
"That's right, David. Everything they say to do is completely ineffective against theft without aggressive police support, enforcement, surveillance, and prosecution of bike theft crimes!"
"Hold your horses, there, Liz, as a Washingtonian you know compromises have to be made in politics. Maybe we will get a little improvement."
"Not much by the looks of what the commissioner's aide said!"
"The police are paranoid because they are under siege. I think they have persuaded the politicians that what they are doing is perfect. They don't like to be doubted because they depend on their authority for their lives...."
"I love the police. You know I am a law and order person."
"You can say that again.”
“What do you mean by that?
“Never mind. The new chief has done a terrific job mopping up the alley on my block after fifteen years of hell all night long. That alone should reduce bike thefts."
"I worked with the police when I was helping battered women and children. The police are wonderful. But they need to do a better job with bicycles!"
"Right. The world is plagued by a virtually risk free crime in a world where we can no longer hang horse thieves from the nearest tree."
"Did they put Macy's under surveillance? You know I lost two bikes there, one with police officers only a few feet away!"
"I told my captain friend about the racket going on there,” I replied. “I told him the thief was being tipped off to expensive bikes by a spotter. I think the thief had a pickup. He jacked bikes minutes after they were parked. The captain said he would check into doing a sting, but he never got back to me."
"They did not even want to talk to me about it. I understand. They are busy doing more important things."
"They are taking bike theft seriously now."
"Taking customers concern seriously is standard PR everywhere, David. Spokespersons always say that to assure customers they care about them."
“They are telling people to register their bikes. They are even taking fingerprints, now, and they take blood evidence, which they didn't do when the thief bled all over the place when he cut himself stealing your bike over on Euclid."
"I was devastated to have my bike stolen this time, after coming down for just a few days."
"I know. Terrible, what with your car left in Washington, so you wound up on foot here. Did that officer ever get back to you to inspect your building, make a report on the lousy security? Someone named Gil?"
"He had someone else contact me for an appointment. I got back to them, but they did not return my message, and now I'm leaving for Washington. I just got a $68,000 assessment for condo conversion. The building is wide open. I don't want to lose another bike in the garage. They had better get a gate for the garage at least."
"I think the police are wary of me, believing I am attacking the department. Maybe I am taking bike theft too seriously. But...."
"I am sorry I got you onto this, David. Maybe you are too serious about it. You are wasting your breath. You have more important things to work on, like your movie."
"I am not a thing person. That why I have very few things. I don't give a damn about the bikes. I care about general management, not about the particular things themselves."
"But there are more important things for you...."
"That is probably what a lot of cops would say, that they have better things to do than deal with this damn nuisance, hundreds of stolen bikes, but how these thefts are being handled gives me insight into how government works in handling everything big and small."
"You've got to move on. I feel sorry for you, you're so obsessed because of me."
"I know, I know, when my friends mention something and I tell them I shall look into it, they say please don’t. I'm almost done with this bike thing. By the way, I love the way you look on your new bike. It is way cool with you on it."
"Why, thank you, David."
"Where is the serial number, under the frame here somewhere?"
"I took it off."
"What?"
"I peeled it off."
"What the f**k? You took it off?"
"Yeah, they peel right off."
"Why bother to register your bike with the police department and give the serial number if you take the serial number off the bike?"
"Well, they have a picture and a description too, and the thief would peel it off anyway."
"A lot of good that's going to do if they have a hundred bikes in the garage and several that look like yours, maybe all scuffed up or painted over."
"I saw that email you wrote that said the cops were taking some of the good bikes for friends."
"That was just what an inside source suspected. I don't know if it's true . The bikes if unclaimed in a few days are supposed to go to charity, not to friends and relatives. It reminds me of the scandal at the Police Athletic League."
"I like the suggestion you made about Garage 529, to register your bike there so people everywhere in the country can check there before buying a bike to make sure the registered owner is selling it. I registered mine."
"Good. I thought at least that should be included in the police publicity. They did nothing but object to it. Not one of my ideas was appreciated by police brass as far as I know. I don't blame them for being paranoid, but I just tried to help, and I got messages that they are doing the usual things, concluded with 'Thank you for your support,' as if I were not supporting law enforcement and getting cursed and avoided because of it."
"I've told you time and again, you should move to Washington. You don't belong here."
"I guess I've wasted fifteen years here except I learned a lot. Learning is everything for me."
"I like that. I like South Beach but maybe I should never have come here. I love living in Puerto Vallarta."
"Well, South Beach has become Miami and lots of people are angry and rude. Still, the weather is nice except for a few hurricanes. One of my suggestions was to do what police departments are doing in other big cities that take the bike theft plague seriously, engrave identification numbers on bikes."
"Great idea. They could do it when people register their bikes. Or have a time and place for people to have it done."
"That's right, Liz. In fact that is exactly what is being done."
"I think I will get mine engraved, maybe make a unique design on it."
"There must be a way to engrave identification numbers like serial numbers so that one would have to literally destroy a bike to conceal or remove it. Anyway how stupid for companies to use peel-off serial numbers on bikes."
"I liked your suggestion to require license plates on bikes."
"I would go further and require bicyclists to take a test and get a driver's license too. When stopped, police would ask them for their license and registration, and arrest them if they had no license or the bike was stolen."
"Wonderful!"
"I would like to have a police state if the laws were beneficial and everyone were treated equally."
"David, you are not alone."
"Problem is, Liz, humans want to be free because they have criminal minds."
"No, David, you know how I think, there must be rules, there is black and there is white, that's it!"
"I'm glad you know it because some people don't know how they are. You have to think like a thief to catch a thief, and there was a time when thievery was not immoral or against the law. Capitalists would like to reduce expenses to nothing so profit would be theft.
"I have known conmen like that."
"An anarchist said that thieves are capitalists without capital."
"How clever! I like men with brains! Who was that?"
"Maybe a guy named Kropotkin. I don't remember, really. He is dead, anyway. Oh. did you see the article I sent you about the potential gains investors in bicycle security could enjoy? I noted that the more inadequate police enforcement is, the better the gains in that business."
Maybe the companies should donate to the police fund!" she exclaimed and laughed raucously.
"I think Chief Clements mistook my little joke about big profits in inadequacy as an insult. The word really means "not equal," and that could be for several reasons. Lack of resources, for one, failure to communicate effectively, for another...."
"You must stop taking bike theft so seriously, David."
"It's not about the bikes. Consider this from Manchester....."
"I have to go...."
"But the bikes...."
"Excuse me, I have to go. Visitors are coming and I must get ready. I'll call you tomorrow," she said over her shoulder and merrily wheeled away.
xYx
By creating a huge income disparity we are breeding a whole group of unemployed young people who have to rely on theft rather than work to make a living. A sad state of affairs.
Ron