|
Blogs by Dorien Grey
Different Worlds
10/10/2011 4:15:09 PM
I was reading a post from a cyberfriend on one of the many predominantly straight lists to which I belong. She was telling of her recent weekend activities with her husband and family, and of picnics, and nieces and weddings and all the other wholesome things that seem to be part of every heterosexual’s life, and I was struck yet again by how totally alien these things are…and have always been…to me.
The sense of belonging to my own family is something I cannot imagine being without. It is the one solid, unchangeable thing in a constantly changing, turbulent world. Yet even with them, I was always aware of vast gulfs in our daily lives…differences which go far below what appears on the surface. So much of the lives of heterosexuals revolve around the problems (and joys) of raising children, of weddings, engagements, bridal showers, baby showers, messy divorces, church functions, and the like. All integral parts of the average heterosexual’s life, and all completely foreign to me.
I don't have much trouble, day to day, dealing with straight women. But I tend to be uncomfortable around straight men I do not know well. It probably stems from the fact that while I myself am a man (and have never either doubted it or had the slightest desire to be anything else), we simply cannot relate to or understand each other. Intellectually there may be few differences, but socially.... Straight men's lives social lives understandably revolve around the wife and kids or the girlfriend or fishing or deer hunting or sitting around with their emotional peers watching the Big Game du jour (and even more incomprehensibly, getting jump-up-and-down excited about it). Sorry, but we might as well be from two different planets.
I’ve never understood, for one thing (among many) why it is that straight men seem driven to go to great lengths to prove that they are “real men”? Why in the world should the question ever even have to arise?
Straight men tend to view gays with widely varying degrees and mixtures of suspicion, mistrust, revulsion, and curiosity. I rather suspect that deep down inside there is also an element of grudging envy of some of the “freedoms” gay men supposedly have that they do not. While gays have long been condemned for their “promiscuity” (largely because society won’t allow us the rights of monogamy), I wager that more than a few straight men would love to be as unrestrained in their sex lives as they condemn (usually wrongly) gay men for being.
Straight men may well...and rightly...resent the fact that gay men are as a rule far more free to ignore the chained-to-the-wall constraints our society imposes on men. “Men” do not cry when they are sad or hurt: in fact, the less emotion they display, the more “manly” they are (or consider themselves to be), and if keeping things bottled up inside leads to ulcers or a stress-induced heart attack, well, so be it. Straighten up and face it “like a man.”.
I find it fascinating that while sex is an integral and undeniable part of human existence, it is the object of our sexual attraction which creates nearly insurmountable walls between us. Love, the most positive emotion known to our race, is only considered valid if the two people experiencing it are of different genders.
With a global population of six billion or so, and counting, one might think that the fact that Adam and Steve or Eve and Joanne cannot naturally procreate would be considered in a far more positive light than it is. (“Breeders” is a pejorative gays direct against straights in partial retaliation for the endless string of epithets directed against us.)
The fact of the matter is that our society concentrates far, far too heavily on strict adherence to arbitrary gender roles, and in so doing it prevents our focusing on those things far more basic to humanity: love, loyalty, honesty, kindness, honor, and common decency toward one another.
It is said that the mills of the gods grind exceedingly slowly. Our society is, in fact changing. But I wouldn't put off doing the laundry waiting for the change to be complete.
****
I'll be posting another blog next Monday, and hope you'll stop by. In the meantime, you're invited to visit my website at http://www.doriengrey.com
Post a Comment
More Blogs by Dorien Grey
• The Case Against Acorns - Thursday, October 29, 2015
• On Growing Up Gay - Thursday, October 22, 2015
• Damned if you do, damned if... - Monday, October 19, 2015
• When I was Who I was - Thursday, October 15, 2015
• We Humans - Monday, October 12, 2015
• "Dear Dugbate:" - Thursday, October 8, 2015
• Who? What? When? Where? Why? How - Monday, October 5, 2015
• Friends and Lovers - Thursday, October 1, 2015
• Friends and Lovers - Thursday, October 1, 2015
• Friends and Lovers - Thursday, October 1, 2015
• Here Lies Common Sense - Monday, September 28, 2015
• Getting It - Thursday, September 24, 2015
• "How 'ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm,....?" - Monday, September 21, 2015
• E Unim Pluribus - Monday, September 14, 2015
• The Doll House - Thursday, September 10, 2015
• "Pay Attention!" - Monday, September 7, 2015
• Shells - Thursday, September 3, 2015
• A Letter From My Father - Monday, August 31, 2015
• Philosophies - Thursday, August 27, 2015
• The Child Within - Monday, August 24, 2015
• "Let's Pretend!" - Monday, August 17, 2015
• The Circles of "We" - Thursday, August 13, 2015
• Loves Park - Monday, August 10, 2015
• The Forest and the Trees - Thursday, August 6, 2015
• Let Me Count the Ways - Monday, August 3, 2015
• Perchance to Dream - Thursday, July 30, 2015
• Moods - Monday, July 27, 2015
• Sharing Dreams - Thursday, July 23, 2015
• The Diamond Lady - Monday, July 20, 2015
• Remembering - Thursday, July 16, 2015
• Flashbacks - Monday, July 13, 2015
• Dear Lord, But You're Dumb! - Thursday, July 9, 2015
• Ask Not - Monday, July 6, 2015
• Hey, Rube! - Thursday, July 2, 2015
• Hidden Costs? - Monday, June 29, 2015
• Greed - Thursday, June 25, 2015
• "i" before "e" - Monday, June 22, 2015
• Letting Go - Thursday, June 18, 2015
• Acceptance - Monday, June 15, 2015
• Delusion - Thursday, June 11, 2015
• Communication - Monday, June 8, 2015
• Goldilocks - Thursday, June 4, 2015
• Do Not Go Gentle.... - Monday, June 1, 2015
• Bees & Flowers, Progeny & Words - Thursday, May 28, 2015
• "What if..." - Monday, May 25, 2015
• The Chaos Kid - Wednesday, May 20, 2015
• The Endless Loop - Monday, May 18, 2015
• The Tinfoil Hat - Thursday, May 14, 2015
• The Losing Battle - Monday, May 11, 2015
• When Then Was Now - Thursday, May 7, 2015
• The Price - Monday, May 4, 2015
• Goulash - Thursday, April 30, 2015
• Obsession - Monday, April 27, 2015
• Over the Rainbow - Thursday, April 23, 2015
• The Past-Clinger - Monday, April 20, 2015
• Tar Bubbles - Thursday, April 16, 2015
• Remembering Fairdale - Monday, April 13, 2015
• Custodial - Thursday, April 9, 2015
• Odd Man Out - Monday, April 6, 2015
• Lives - Thursday, April 2, 2015
• The Boggling of the Mind - Monday, March 30, 2015
• "He Had a Hat!" - Thursday, March 26, 2015
• Marshmallow Man - Monday, March 23, 2015
• Chance, Coincidence, and Incredible Odds - Thursday, March 19, 2015
• Spam and "Jabberwocky" - Monday, March 16, 2015
• Except After "C" - Thursday, March 12, 2015
• "That Which I Should Have Done..." - Monday, March 9, 2015
• "They," "Them," and Me - Thursday, March 5, 2015
• The Fine Line - Monday, March 2, 2015
• "This, too...." - Thursday, February 26, 2015
• Idiots - Monday, February 23, 2015
• Weather or Not - Thursday, February 19, 2015
• Envy - Monday, February 16, 2015
• Grand Delusions - Monday, February 9, 2015
• Waste Not, Want Not - Thursday, February 5, 2015
• "Pretty" - Thursday, January 29, 2015
• Observing - Monday, January 26, 2015
• Lip Service - Thursday, January 22, 2015
• Seriously? - Monday, January 19, 2015
• You, Me, and Snowflakes - Thursday, January 15, 2015
• Boogeyman - Monday, January 12, 2015
• "You're Nothing!" - Thursday, January 8, 2015
• Egotism vs Egoism - Monday, January 5, 2015
• Small Flaws - Monday, December 29, 2014
• A Matter of Distance - Thursday, December 18, 2014
• Cliffhangers - Monday, December 15, 2014
• Logic and Fun - Thursday, December 11, 2014
• "I Hear the Mermen Singing...." - Monday, December 8, 2014
• Mantras and Acorns - Thursday, December 4, 2014
• The Doll House - Monday, December 1, 2014
• Thanotophobia - Thursday, November 27, 2014
• Moments and Times - Monday, November 24, 2014
• Rules to Live Buy - Thursday, November 20, 2014
• Stranger in a Strange Land - Monday, November 17, 2014
• The Learning Curve - Thursday, November 13, 2014
• Cassandra and Me - Monday, November 10, 2014
• Remembering the Future - Thursday, November 6, 2014
• Beyond Understanding - Monday, November 3, 2014
• Commercially Speaking - Thursday, October 30, 2014
• Little Boxes - Monday, October 27, 2014
• Ursula's World - Thursday, October 23, 2014
• When "Then" Was "Now" - Monday, October 20, 2014
• The Bouncing Ball - Thursday, October 16, 2014
• The Sound of Laughter - Monday, October 13, 2014
• Ah, If Ye Only Knew.... - Thursday, October 9, 2014
• Hourglass - Monday, October 6, 2014
• The Gourmet Chef - Thursday, October 2, 2014
• Of a Certain Age - Monday, September 29, 2014
• Once Upon a Town - Monday, September 22, 2014
• The Illusionist - Thursday, September 18, 2014
• Words as Food - Monday, September 15, 2014
• The King of Romania - Thursday, September 11, 2014
• Comparisons - Monday, September 8, 2014
• Ladies and Gentlemen - Thursday, September 4, 2014
• The Delusionist - Monday, September 1, 2014
• Running - Thursday, August 7, 2014
• "It was the best of times, ...." - Monday, August 4, 2014
• A Conversation with My Muse - Thursday, July 31, 2014
• Mr. In-Betweem - Monday, July 28, 2014
• On Memories - Thursday, July 24, 2014
• America's Voice - Monday, July 21, 2014
• "One Ringy-Dingy" - Thursday, July 17, 2014
• Thomas - Monday, July 14, 2014
• On Meeting Myself - Thursday, July 10, 2014
• Frustration - Monday, July 7, 2014
• The Broken Compass - Thursday, July 3, 2014
• Pondering the Imponderable - Monday, June 30, 2014
• Of Time and Blogs - Thursday, June 26, 2014
• "I Sing the Body Electric!" - Monday, June 23, 2014
• Slleep - Thursday, June 19, 2014
• Technology and Me - Monday, June 16, 2014
• Sing Me a Song - Thursday, June 12, 2014
• Lies - Monday, June 9, 2014
• Spare me! - Thursday, June 5, 2014
• Words Spoken, Words Written - Monday, June 2, 2014
• Name Dropping - Monday, May 26, 2014
• "Mine Enemy Grows Older" - Monday, May 19, 2014
• "Under God" - Monday, May 12, 2014
• Where There's a Will.... - Monday, May 5, 2014
• Logic Redux - Monday, April 28, 2014
• Understanding - Monday, April 21, 2014
• Writers and Readers - Monday, April 14, 2014
• Crapshoot - Monday, April 7, 2014
• Ingrate - Monday, March 31, 2014
• If - Monday, March 24, 2014
• My Father's Sun - Monday, March 17, 2014
• Little Boy Lost - Monday, March 10, 2014
• On Thinking - Monday, March 3, 2014
• Simple Rules - Monday, February 24, 2014
• A Book's Tale - Monday, February 17, 2014
• Compared to What? - Monday, February 10, 2014
• A Bologna Sandwich - Monday, February 3, 2014
• Delusions - Monday, January 27, 2014
• Silly - Monday, January 20, 2014
• Imprints - Monday, January 13, 2014
• If at first.... - Monday, January 6, 2014
• To Quote Popeye,... - Monday, December 30, 2013
• Once Upon a Co-Op - Monday, December 23, 2013
• "The Normal Heart" - Monday, December 16, 2013
• On Colds - Thursday, December 12, 2013
• On Being 80 - Monday, December 9, 2013
• Logic - Monday, December 2, 2013
• The Dictionary Schizophrenic - Monday, November 25, 2013
• Teeter-Totter - Monday, November 18, 2013
• I, Philistine - Monday, November 11, 2013
• The Haunted Mouse - Monday, November 4, 2013
• I Do Not Go Gentle... - Monday, October 28, 2013
• Hype - Monday, October 21, 2013
• Time Travel and Jim Crow - Monday, October 14, 2013
• The Herd - Monday, October 7, 2013
• "I," "Me," and "Everybody Else" - Monday, September 30, 2013
• That Which I Should Have Done, ... - Monday, September 23, 2013
• A Ticket to Ride - Monday, September 16, 2013
• Words Written, Words Heard - Monday, September 9, 2013
• The Kindness of Strangers - Monday, September 2, 2013
• "Oink" - Monday, August 26, 2013
• Old Bones - Monday, August 19, 2013
• Life on Banana Peels - Monday, August 12, 2013
• Priorities - Thursday, August 8, 2013
• Pitons - Monday, August 5, 2013
• Neutral - Monday, June 24, 2013
• Plannin' - Monday, June 17, 2013
• The Spider's Belch - Monday, June 10, 2013
• Ya' Know What I'm Sayin'? - Monday, June 3, 2013
• Antsy - Monday, May 27, 2013
• You and Me - Monday, May 20, 2013
• Hope, Love, and We - Monday, April 29, 2013
• Pureed Thoughts - Monday, April 22, 2013
• The Willing Eunuch - Monday, April 15, 2013
• "If" Past, "If" Future - Monday, April 8, 2013
• Habits, Routines, and Ruts - Monday, April 1, 2013
• Mind vs. Body - Tuesday, March 26, 2013
• Rejection - Monday, March 18, 2013
• A Box of Days - Monday, March 11, 2013
• Instructions - Monday, March 4, 2013
• Ya Know? - Monday, February 25, 2013
• Logic, Oh Logic! - Monday, February 18, 2013
• North - Monday, February 11, 2013
• Domesticity, Yet Again - Monday, February 4, 2013
• The Christmas Party - Monday, December 24, 2012
• "De Profundis" - Monday, December 17, 2012
• Squiggles and Strokes - Monday, December 10, 2012
• Validation - Monday, December 3, 2012
• Wastebaskets and Life - Monday, November 19, 2012
• Once Upon a Time in the Navy - Monday, November 12, 2012
• Love - Tuesday, October 23, 2012
• Russ - Monday, October 1, 2012
• Torquemada'll Get You... - Monday, September 10, 2012
• King Canute - Monday, September 3, 2012
• Oh, the Nobility! - Monday, August 27, 2012
• A Pile of Rocks - Monday, August 6, 2012
• The Doctor is In - Monday, June 25, 2012
• Splits - Tuesday, June 19, 2012
• Softie - Monday, May 28, 2012
• Time Was - Monday, May 21, 2012
• Oh, the Nobility!! - Monday, May 7, 2012
• The Demons Within - Monday, April 30, 2012
• At the Movies - Monday, April 16, 2012
• I Believe... - Monday, April 9, 2012
• Bubbly Creek - Monday, March 26, 2012
• Who IS That Man? - Monday, March 19, 2012
• Dangling Wires - Monday, March 5, 2012
• Trains - Monday, February 27, 2012
• Songs - Monday, February 20, 2012
• Love - Monday, February 6, 2012
• Mind Boggling - Monday, January 30, 2012
• Omaha - Tuesday, January 24, 2012
• The Doctor is In - Monday, January 9, 2012
• Laughter - Tuesday, December 27, 2011
• A Job From Hell - Monday, December 5, 2011
• Ophelia - Monday, November 14, 2011
• Acknowledgement, Acceptance, and Compulsion - Monday, October 31, 2011
• Homes - Monday, October 24, 2011
• Tar Bubbles - Monday, October 17, 2011
• Different Worlds - Monday, October 10, 2011
• Missed Boats - Monday, September 26, 2011
• Little Things - Monday, September 19, 2011
• Shiva - Monday, September 12, 2011
• One Plus One Equals...?? - Monday, September 5, 2011
• Matchmaker, Matchmaker - Monday, August 29, 2011
• Journey's End - Monday, August 22, 2011
• Last Day in Rome - Monday, August 15, 2011
• Wandering through Rome - Monday, August 8, 2011
• A Stroll Through the Forum - Monday, August 1, 2011
• All Railroads Lead to Rome - Monday, July 25, 2011
• Climbing Vesuvius - Monday, July 18, 2011
• Sorrento Notes - Monday, July 11, 2011
• The Pompeiians - Monday, July 4, 2011
• And On to Florence - Monday, June 20, 2011
• The Train to Italy - Monday, June 13, 2011
• Life in Paris - Monday, May 30, 2011
• Progress Report - Monday, May 23, 2011
• Bienvenue a Paris - Monday, May 16, 2011
• A Klutz in London - Monday, May 9, 2011
• To London, To London! - Monday, May 2, 2011
• Moments - Monday, April 25, 2011
• The Likes o' Me - Monday, March 7, 2011
• Movies - Monday, February 21, 2011
• "As ithers see us" - Monday, February 14, 2011
• Kittens and Puppies - Monday, February 7, 2011
• Jobs from Heck - Monday, January 31, 2011
• The Boggled Mind - Monday, January 24, 2011
• Kids' Play - Monday, January 10, 2011
• Ozymandius - Monday, January 3, 2011
• Ponderings - Monday, December 27, 2010
• Laughter - Monday, December 20, 2010
• On Impatience - Monday, December 13, 2010
• Speaking in Tongues - Monday, December 6, 2010
• Idiots - Monday, November 29, 2010
• Losin' It - Monday, November 22, 2010
• Trains - Monday, November 15, 2010
• On Being Strange - Monday, November 8, 2010
• Cracks in the Mirror - Monday, November 1, 2010
• Because - Monday, October 25, 2010
• Strike Up the Band - Monday, October 18, 2010
• Embarrassment - Monday, October 11, 2010
• As Ithers See Us - Monday, October 4, 2010
• The Way of the World - Monday, September 27, 2010
• Generations - Monday, September 20, 2010
• Letting Go - Monday, September 13, 2010
• K’nesheeshawna by Any Other Name - Monday, September 6, 2010
• Unforgiving - Monday, August 30, 2010
• For We Are a Simple People - Monday, August 23, 2010
• Seven out of Seven - Monday, August 16, 2010
• It is to Weep - Monday, August 9, 2010
• Reality and Perception - Monday, August 2, 2010
• Memory Games - Monday, July 26, 2010
• Mind and Body - Monday, July 19, 2010
• The Captain and the Ship - Monday, July 12, 2010
• Logic and the Lack Thereof - Monday, July 5, 2010
• Normal - Monday, June 28, 2010
• You Is or You Ain't - Monday, June 21, 2010
• The King of Klutz - Monday, June 14, 2010
• You & Me...& Everybody Else - Monday, June 7, 2010
• 3,993 Sundays - Monday, May 31, 2010
• Tears of Joy - Monday, May 24, 2010
• Pond Scum - Monday, May 17, 2010
• A Day at the Movies - Monday, May 10, 2010
• L'etat, C'est Moi! - Monday, May 3, 2010
• We Three - Monday, April 26, 2010
|
|
|
