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Blogs by Megan A Cyrulewski
Bullying Still Hurts 20 Years Later 2/28/2014 8:54:16 AM
I recently had a friend request on Facebook from someone I knew from high school. (I graduated in 1996.) I wasn't friends with this woman. In fact, it seemed like she went out of my way to make my life a living hell. I was not in the popular crowd or even the second-tier popular crowd. I played softball but I wasn't a jock. I had a great group of friends and I still keep in touch with some of them. Our crowd kind of kept to ourselves, but we had a blast whenever we went out with each other. Time passes and people grow apart and in that sense, I am thankful for Facebook because I get to see how those from our group are doing. Just because I haven't seen someone in a couple of years doesn't mean I still don't consider him or her a friend.
But getting back to my story. The woman who sent me a message on Facebook was extremely cruel to me in high school. When I started dating my high school sweetheart, she tried to break us up. Not because she liked him. She just though he was too good for me.
Her and I danced at the same dance studio. I loved to dance. I did everything: ballet, en pointe, jazz, tap, lyrical and modern. I used to spend 20-25 hours a week at the dance studio. However, circumstances changed when I was in my junior year of high school. This woman was a good dancer, I will give her that. Was she technically as good as me? Hell no. And I can say that because I had years of training whereas she didn't. In our classes when we split into groups, I was in the advanced group for everything but jazz. I loved dance, but I quit my junior year.
See, not only were there cliques at school, there were also cliques at the dance studio; and I was not a part of those cliques. Sure I had my friends at dance, but we weren't in the "popular" group. Unfortunately, my dance teacher wanted to be thought of as cool and hip, so she catered to the "popular" group's every need, even if it meant stepping on more talented dancers. And the woman who messaged me on Facebook was one of the leaders.
So needless to say, when I saw her message, I was a little taken back. Memories of the bullying and torment she put me through flooded back before I could close those gates again. Apparently, this woman said that she heard I had written a book and wanted to be my "friend again." She said that she couldn't wait to read it. I did not accept her friend request.
Yes, I know that high school was 20 years ago, but some wounds never heal. I never gave this woman a reason to not like me, yet she took it upon herself to make me look like a fool to my high school sweetheart and she convinced our dance teacher that I didn't belong in some of the advanced classes. To this day I regret quitting dance mainly because of her.
People say forgive and forget. In this case, however, I can't do either. I still have those invisible scars from this woman. She attacked me at a vulnerable time in my life (high school) and just didn't give a damn how I felt. So why should I give a damn how she feels now? It's not like I harbor these feelings on a daily basis. I haven't even thought about her until I received her message. Good for her that she can't wait to read my book. She can buy it like everyone else.
I guess the point of this post is this: Stop the bullying. Those hurt feelings never go away as much as one tries to get rid of them. If you don't like someone, then don't say anything. It's just that simple.
