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FURD 1... on the Internet. 3/18/2004 8:44:07 AM
Being one of five siblings necessarily involved verbal exchange, most particularly at the dinner table, where all were present, every day. Very few topics were off limits; swear words (“I’ll wash your mouth out with soap”), blatant references to sex (“I’ll wash your mouth out with soap”… go figure), and ‘snitching’, which elicited a different, curiously unique, punishment; the snitcher, then and there, would feel dad’s belt, and the snitchee would be made to watch. None of us were overly anxious to ‘tell on’ any of the others.
Jokes and laughter were believed to aid digestion (dad’s) and were encouraged. Word games were also favored for the same reason, with the added benefit that one, if clever enough, could surreptitiously snitch on another with a fair chance of getting away with it: “Bobby, if you were a musical instrument in the olden days, what do you think it would be?” Answer (implicit); LYRE. Fervently repentent, red-faced, squirming, self-saving (one hoped) confession was the only intelligent option (and no snickering from the peanut gallery).
One evening, Dad wrote something on a scrap of paper and passed it around the table. "Does anyone know what this means?", he asked. f.u.n.e.x. Nobody knew. “It asks a question.” A question?…( about something I did???? try not to look guilty). “A DP (Displaced Person… immigrant, in dadtalk) walks into a diner and says, ‘ F. u. n. e. x?’(have you any eggs?) “The man behind the counter says, ‘V. f. x..’ (we have eggs) ‘F.u.n.e.m?’ V.f.m.’ ‘OK, m.n.x.’” Much (relieved) laughter.
Today, verbal exchange on the internet, and especially within the numerous ‘dating sites’ offers… encourages… laughter, chit-chat (‘kibitzing’… ‘riffing’), and ultimately, intimacy. That is the nature of it. And so we verbalize across the ether and, in a natural extension of that, eventually by phone (still under the protective blankets of anonymity and inuendo). Some of us pour out our hearts… blurt out the damndest, least thought-out expressions of love, need, want, even commitment. And most often, I believe, those eruptions are propelled by genuine, innocent pent-up emotive forces. We really mean what we're writing /saying... and we're hoping those sentiments are being received by the 'one' for whom we were created; we're hoping that we've met our match, our soul-mate, and that our out-pourings of love are not misdirected. Perhaps yet another ‘match’ site will one day appear; a site that provides a built-in ‘out’ for the least sensible of us; a site that automatically, in its cool computer logic, ‘tags’ all exchanges, prefacing the main text, and adding post-script, with its Tradename… “F.U.R.D.1.” (If you are 'de' one). A heart-felt message might read: "(F.U.R.D.1)I love you more and more each time we chat. When we finally meet in person, I know I'll fall into your eager arms and remain there for the rest of my life. (F.U.R.D.1)
