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Blogs by Joseph W. Montaperto
A MOST UNFORTUNATE PAIRING 1/7/2020 7:12:54 PM
This is what happens when two people's chemistry goes horribly wrong!! It was a bad pairing. A terrible pairing. In fact, it may have been the WORST pairing in the history of catering.
The captain for the fateful event is Hiram Shalefsky - widely known in the catering industry to be a most reasonable man. Some would even describe him as "fair but firm".
But, alas, it was not to be his day.
Nothing in the day could have possibly foreshadowed such a terrifying calamity. A picture perfect mid June day, the charter bus taking us to the event on Long Island had arrived with plenty of time to spare, there were no MIA's among the catering crew, a truly harmonious group ( and multi-ethnic at that!) if there ever was one - there was genuine comraderie here. Everybody that is - except for two people.
The first omen of trouble, however, arrived in the form of horrendous beachgoer weekend traffic - rendering us almost two hours late for the event at CW Post! A flurry of desperate activity followed, as miraculously, the courageous group of waiters banded together and set up 50 tables only minutes before the scheduled start of the event!
Valiantly battling the ticking clock, Hiram Shalefsy nimbly made his way down the roster of waiters - mentally noting the particular strengths of each individual - until he had paired up all the waiters for the 50 tables. ALMOST all the waiters, that is. There were still two names left, names which Hiram Shalefsky had hoped to avoid. And they were for the last two tables - 49 and 50 - the tables the absolute furthest from the kitchen for serve-out!
Oh no!
The names were - Jethro Fury, a blond, hulking good ole boy from deep in the heart of Alabama, known as much for his mercurial temper as for his love for possum hunting.
The other - Prince LeVonne, a muscular and extremely angry black militant, who everyone thought was also gay - except, oddly enough, himself.
There were only moments left before the commencement of the party - an alumni fundraiser at CW Post, a predominantly Catholic crowd whose main tenet was - God, country and family.
It didn't take long before the griping, muttering and fireworks began between the two. Then, one of them dropped a plate on the floor - we don't know exactly which one it was, but this exchange immediately followed:
Jethro: "That's it! Get this boy outta here! I'm doing all the work here..."
Prince: "Oh yeah, cracker? I'll kick your mo'f***ing hillbilly ass all the way back to Appalachia, or wherever it is you rednecks come from..."
Jethro: "Boy, I'll hunt your darkie ass down outside and shoot you like it's coon season..."
And so it went....each trip back and forth to the kitchen a new adventure in hatred.
Hiram Shalefsky tried to intervene, but, really there was not much he could do. He had the entire weight of running the event as smoothly as possible fall on his shoulders.
Meanwhile, the owner of our company, Gwendlyn LaFarge, sat in the kitchen knitting - a scene comparable to Nero fiddling while Rome burned.
It was a day that would go down in the annals of catering history.
