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THE LEGEND OF DUNCAN VALIANT 1/13/2020 5:25:50 PM
A perpetually wasted cater-waiter finally gets his comeuppance after years of debaucherous behavior. THE LEGEND OF DUNCAN VALIANT
"No WAY!"
"Get outta here! Not even HE would do that!"
"Really?!
It was true. Duncan Valiant had finally gone too far - and he was summarily and exasperatedly relieved from his catering job.
You see, Duncan Valiant was a legend in the catering industry...not for any monumental work ethic, like so many goody-goodies admired and gushed over. No, it was for his enormous capacity to drink tremendous amounts of liquor - even to the point of falling to the floor in a drunken stupor - and yet, not being FIRED!
People were incredulous at his amazing feats of endurance, often downing full bottles of white wine in a single sustained gulp while standing behind a potted plant - DURING service! Then, even tending to his table! It was truly an amazing act to witness.
He was also noted for bringing plastic Poland Spring bottles filled with nothing but vodka to work - and consuming them before the night was through. When later suspected of such treachery, he would then switch to Diet Coke and vodka. later it evolved into Diet Coke and red wine - both in a reliable aluminum Diet Coke can. And this is to say nothing of the cleaning crew, many times finding 5 or more empty bottles in the stalls of the men's room!
But, alas, this latest endeavor proved to be his undoing...considered shocking even for a legend of his magnitude! He was discovered intoxicated - making out with a female event planner - in the LADIES room, of all places! When Hubert, the mercurial and punitive captain for the night's event made the discovery - there were gasps of horror! Other waiters
were simply aghast at this outrageous act of defiance. When he was finally dismissed from his duties, there was a kind of emptiness, a somber buzz throughout the room.
But even legends die eventually.
