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THE LEGEND OF DAVID ROSS 1/13/2020 5:28:11 PM
Thrill to the horror and hilarity of one of NYC's most grandiose legends - as his work habits are revealed. THE LEGEND OF DAVID ROSS
Exhaustion. The kind of SEVERE exhaustion which comes only from just completing an 11 hour shift for the fourth consecutive day. Trudging slowly and painfully against the icy wind and pounding snow of a December blizzard, my co-worker Danny, suddenly freezes in his tracks, an expression of pure horror apparent on his otherwise deathly pale face.
"Oh my God! I- I - think I just saw...David Ross - lying on that bench - covered in snow...I think - he's - he's - DEAD!!
"Nah, don't worry, man, he ALWAYS does that...he's just taking a nap before his next job." I assure him.
We're in Central Park, near the entrance of 59th Street and 8th Avenue. Danny looks up at the towering building with the time and temperature.
"But - it's - 2:55 AM... should...should we call an ambulance or something?"
"No, I'm telling you, man - he's been doing this for YEARS - as long as I know him...he just goes from one job to another - for whatever catering company will pay him - ANYTHING. He likes it."
Danny gulps, looks confused. He's new to catering...he'll learn. Oh, he'll learn, alright.
David Ross is another kind of legend in catering. Just as Duncan Valiant was famous/infamous for his incredible acts of insubordination and unparalleled alcohol consumption, David Ross is legendary for his insane work habits and inhuman feats of strength. He works in sanit, which is arguably the most heinous job in catering - in fact, he could be a one-man sanit crew. He delights in sanit. LOVES it! Actually, rumor has it that on the rare day that he has no sanit work, he is building a house - with his bare hands! And he does all this work while proudly wearing a 100 pound weighted vest and 50 pound ankle and wrist weights - while routinely grabbing 15 lugs of water glasses! He is also known to have killed a few malingering waiters while driving a forklift at an event on Randalls Island, yelling:
"Out of the way, ladies!"
These were male waiters, by the way.
Whatever you do - for the love of God - PLEASE stay out of David Ross's way!
