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Blogs by Joseph W. Montaperto
MORE THRILLS FROM THE 70s! 3/31/2020 7:44:32 PM
Laugh and cry as me and my cousin Skinny get into all kinds of debauchery in the good ole'1970's! Buoyed by our success and the thrill of our mission at the Webb household...the pull is just too much, the high, the rush - it’s totally addictive, besides providing us with so much joy and exuberance. It is literally an adrenaline kick!
With that in mind, me and Skinny get to work creating a very detailed and structured schedule - we must be very disciplined now - to cause at least some mayhem in the neighborhood every night of the week...I mean, we have the time, y’know? Might as well put it to good use! So we plan out the entire week with an actual schedule, a highly sophisticated chart that we hang up on the wall of the clubhouse - for example: Monday night we will throw acorns at the Dalton’s house - until they come out to see what’s going on. Then, when they go back inside, we will continuously ring their front doorbell - and hide behind the bushes across the street. Tuesday, the schedule calls for ringing all the bells simultaneously in the lobby of the Amsterdam Gardens Apartments - proceeding to watch all of the residents come out at the same time, completely puzzled - and do it over and over again. This is good for multiple laughs, thereby streamlining our output. Wednesday, we go up to Skinny’s in the attic - and throw water balloons out the window at poor old Mr. Acker, walking his hyperactive little hotdog, Fritz - at exactly 4pm...and, well, you get the picture.
Our favorite activity, however (well, besides eating all the raisins out the Raisin Bran at the Webb establishment , of course!) is our very authentic catfighting noises. Yes - catfighting noises. It goes like this: Every week now for about a month, we hop over the fence to the neighbor’s house behind Skinny’s - the Dobermanns, ironically enough. Now, you have to realize that these people are actually our friends - I mean, they take us to Yankees games with them! And picnics - plus other activities! We know them really well - yet, we just cannot seem to help ourselves.
We hide in the backyard - under the outside of their living room window - and make really loud sounds - like cats fighting. They keep looking out the window, but they can’t see us because we’re hiding. We’re very professional in our preparation for this - it totally disturbs them as they try to watch the Yankees game.
“Oh, those damn cats are back again!!
“Scat! Hiss! Scat!”
She yells out a number of times, getting up to go to the window for the fourth attempt.
“How annoying - every week they come back like this!”
‘I can’t even hear Phil Rizutto ( the Yankees announcer) with all that noise! Complain the kids - Ellen and Bobby.
“This is terrible!
Cries out Mr. Dobermann.
Finally, in exasperation and frustration, they sic Petey, their frenetic little terrier on ‘the cats’.
He runs out in a fury, barking and howling, but when he sees us, we shush him and pet him and give him treats, so he stops barking. Now, seemingly with the cats gone, they call him back into the house - with a sigh of relief - to reward him for a job well done. At last, there is some peace!
That’s when we start the catfighting all over again - just a few minutes later.
“Oh no! They’re back!”
