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Blogs by Joseph W. Montaperto
THE ERADICATION OF ENORMO - THE HUMAN BUTT 6/27/2020 8:55:19 PM
As Joey Montaperto approaches his 16th birthday mysterious physical changes alter his appearance! It was gone! Finally. Hopefully vanquished forever. I’m talking about ‘Enormo - The Human Butt - aka’ -’Amazo The Trained Butt.’ In the past year or so, my butt had grown to enormous proportions - courtesy of a heavy diet of stolen Ring Dings and Three Musketeers bars. The rest of me was still fairly thin - with the exception of my butt. An unimaginable hell.
But in the months preceding my 16th birthday, and my later head-over-heels-discovery of the exotic Esperanza - something mysterious had happened. Everything had changed! It all started as I inexplicably took command of Daniel Webb’s ( yes, the same kid whose house me and Skinny break into every week to eat all the raisins out of his Raisin Bran) new set of weights. I storm over there every other day and lift maniacally in his basement, virtually claiming ownership - then run a couple of miles on the other days. Months pass, and not only does Enormo practically disappear - but I acquire an entirely new physique! Muscles sprouting everywhere - I am mesmerized - and cannot stop flexing in the mirror several hours a day! Not only that, but somehow, my entire appearance changes at the same time - and I suddenly look Puerto Rican! My mustache, formerly just a sparse collection of scraggly hairs - has now transformed into quite the beauty, surpassing even that of my sister Karen! A goatee now grows on my chin - where before there had been just a few stray whiskers! With a new found self-confidence, I decide I will no longer continue to get beaten up by the black kids at school anymore - and start learning how to box at the Elizabeth PAL - which was heretofore unheard of in these parts! And this is what leads to the fateful passing of Tijeras de Oro on Broad Street - the workplace of the mythical Esperanza! Still, I am sporting the hated Benjamin Franklin glasses, however, and even more horrifying, facing the dreaded prospect of the second hand picnic pants once I return to school in September - but all this is about to change rapidly!
