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Joseph W. Montaperto

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Member Since: Mar, 2013

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Blogs by Joseph W. Montaperto

THE KISS
8/22/2020 7:31:30 PM


What happens right after the sultry Esperanza gives me my first mod shag afro?! Find out now!!
So Esperanza has just given me my mod shag afro - my first mod haircut!
Then she does something that I totally don’t expect…something I would have believed there was no possibility of ever happening. She kisses me!
I mean, it isn’t just a peck on the cheek, either. She kisses me right on the mouth!
Oh my God! I think she even slips in a little tongue, too. At least, it feels like a tongue - or what a tongue might feel like. Her lips and her tongue actually taste sweet. Maybe it’s her lip-gloss, I don’t know. And her breath… it feels hot - and fresh - like Dentyne. Now I have just been kissed by the most beautiful girl in the world!
Who would have ever thought that by risking my life to go work out at the PAL that it would ever turn into something like this? The chattering and tittering which has been raging throughout the shop now transforms into shrill whistles. I sit there, right in the middle of the sweetest dream I’ve ever had in my life. I close my eyes. One of the ladies comes over, and puts a glass of water in my hand. Esperanza laughs.
“The haircut’s on me, baby, but I gotta get back to work now, OK? I got customers”.
I think I drank the water. I believe I waved goodbye. I have a slight recollection of staggering over to the bus stop. The next thing I know, I’m on Chestnut Street, three blocks from my house. I have just sprinted about five miles, without even realizing it! It’s right then that the magnitude of the event shakes me - Oh my God, she wants to be my girlfriend! She must! I mean, she kissed me, right? She gave me a haircut. Yes- yes- she must be in love with me!
As I reach my house, strutting into the dining room all flushed and giddy, dinner is already underway. The usual suppertime clamor stops abruptly, all eyes trained on me in stunned disbelief.
“What in God’s name happened to your head?!” My father finally bellows.
“Joseph?! What is that in your ear?!” My mother shrieks, referring to my gold hoop earring I forgot to remove.
“Oh my God, he looks like - Leo Sayers!” cries out my sister, Maryanne.
“No-no - Peter Frampton!” chimes in my other sister, Karen.
“No…he kinda looks like-like- Lionel Richie!” One-ups Maryanne.
“Where did you go?! I know Jack the Barber didn’t give you that haircut!” exclaims my mother.
“Jack the Barber still uses Brill Cream.” I retort.
“What the hell is wrong with Brill Cream now?” My father demands.
I sit down at the table, grinning and obviously very pleased with myself. The food, although it’s only macaroni and cheese (my father is still out of work), has never tasted so good to me, the flavors never so distinctive, so sharp. Amidst all the uproar, I experience a feeling of deep down satisfaction.
I start humming The Allman Brothers - ‘Lord I Was Born a Rambling Man.’


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More Blogs by Joseph W. Montaperto
• SHE LOVES IT!! - Tuesday, July 25, 2023
• A FANTASY? - Friday, June 16, 2023
• OPERATION RESCUE ESPERANZA! - Friday, June 16, 2023
• SADNESS - Friday, June 16, 2023
• THE SCORE - THE SCARE - Thursday, March 2, 2023
• HALLOWEEN - Monday, January 30, 2023
• BACK TO WORK - Sunday, January 8, 2023
• THE SHOWDOWN - Sunday, December 11, 2022
• THE CHEETAH - Sunday, December 11, 2022
• THE IMMACULATE CONCEPTION - Sunday, October 2, 2022
• THE CONSEQUENCES - Thursday, September 8, 2022
• A FINISHED PRODUCT - Sunday, August 7, 2022
• THE ETTA JAMES VIBE - Monday, June 20, 2022
• THE TRIBUTE - Tuesday, May 31, 2022
• IT'S GOING DOWN! - Monday, May 16, 2022
• THE MORNING AFTER - Monday, April 18, 2022
• THE SAVOY - Sunday, March 27, 2022
• THE BIG NIGHT - Tuesday, March 1, 2022
• THE SPEECH - Monday, February 7, 2022
• THE SCHEME - Friday, January 14, 2022
• HOW TIMES HAVE CHANGED! - Thursday, January 6, 2022
• THE PUNISHMENT - Wednesday, December 8, 2021
• THE CHASE - PART 2 - Friday, November 26, 2021
• THE CHASE - Monday, November 8, 2021
• OBSTACLES TO LOVE!! - Friday, October 15, 2021
• THE CALL - Sunday, October 3, 2021
• A SUDDEN PAIN - Tuesday, September 7, 2021
• A DREAM - Tuesday, August 24, 2021
• A BRAVE NEW WORLD - Sunday, August 8, 2021
• THE MAN - Sunday, July 18, 2021
• THREE GUYS - Monday, June 21, 2021
• THE NA-NA SURPRISE! - Sunday, June 6, 2021
• THE END OF AN ERA - Thursday, May 20, 2021
• THE CELEBRATION! - Friday, May 7, 2021
• THE INTERVIEW - Wednesday, April 21, 2021
• THE FAMILY - Thursday, April 8, 2021
• THE FOX HOLE!! - Sunday, March 28, 2021
• JACK THE BARBER IS A DICK!! - Saturday, March 6, 2021
• THE CONFLICT OF JACK'S BARBER SHOP - Saturday, February 13, 2021
• I MUST SAVE ESPERANZA!! - Thursday, January 28, 2021
• WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?! - Wednesday, January 13, 2021
• WHAT HAPPENED?! PART 2 - Wednesday, December 30, 2020
• WHAT HAPPENED?! - Monday, December 14, 2020
• CUMBERLAND FARMS EDUCATION - Saturday, November 21, 2020
• THANK GOD FOR MY MUSTACHE! - Saturday, October 31, 2020
• NA-NA JOHNSON - Saturday, October 17, 2020
• THE SCARE - Tuesday, October 6, 2020
• THE BIG FIGHT - Monday, September 21, 2020
• THE PICNIC PANTS EPISODE - Wednesday, September 9, 2020
•  THE KISS - Saturday, August 22, 2020  

• THE MOD SHAG AFRO - Tuesday, August 4, 2020
• THE MAGICAL MEETING - Monday, July 20, 2020
• THE ERADICATION OF ENORMO - THE HUMAN BUTT - Saturday, June 27, 2020
• ESPERANZA - Tuesday, June 16, 2020
• THE TRIALS OF WEATHERBEE H.PEABODY - Saturday, May 30, 2020
• THE PILGRIM GIRL - Wednesday, May 13, 2020
• THE CALLING - Monday, April 20, 2020
• MORE THRILLS FROM THE 70s! - Tuesday, March 31, 2020
• THE 70s AND NOW - CONTINUED - Wednesday, March 11, 2020
• EXHIBIT B - THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE 70's AND NOW - Wednesday, February 19, 2020
• THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE 70's AND TODAY - Tuesday, January 28, 2020
• PROJECTILE CHILI - Friday, January 17, 2020
• RESTAURANT MANAGERS WHO HAVE TORMENTED ME - Friday, January 17, 2020
• THE LEGEND OF DAVID ROSS - Monday, January 13, 2020
• THE LEGEND OF DUNCAN VALIANT - Monday, January 13, 2020
• IT HAPPENS EVERY CATERING SEASON - Tuesday, January 7, 2020
• A HORRIFIC CATERING EVENT - Tuesday, January 7, 2020
• WHERE ARE MY BUTTER PEOPLE? - Tuesday, January 7, 2020
• LISTS - Tuesday, January 7, 2020
• A MOST UNFORTUNATE PAIRING - Tuesday, January 7, 2020
• LA VENDETTA 2 - A HEARTWARMING CHRISTMAS TALE - Wednesday, December 25, 2019
• LA VENDETTA - Saturday, November 23, 2019
• Nobody Gets Out Of Catering Alive - Friday, November 22, 2019
• Christmas Holiday at our house - Wednesday, December 10, 2014
• The Edge of Whiteness - Friday, November 14, 2014
• The Edge of Whiteness - Friday, October 31, 2014