Dependent on you
Mom, you're my life line
If I feel it no where else
I should feel safe with you
Your love should sustain me
Bring me thru whatever may come
At least I would know
That the person who birthed me
Loved me, put me before all
and everyone else

Only in my dreams
Are these sentiments real
My mind scatters
Thoughts are hard to control
I feel an urge to cry time and again
Maybe I have lost my mind
Along with my self-esteem, self-worth and
ability to live out in the world with others
I may have
It's not out of the realm of posibility

But you mom...
You lost your mind long ago
The ability to kick a man to the curve
In order to protect your young
I mean there's more than making sure we've
hot meals, clean clothes, and a mom there to
watch as we recieve another Brownie badge
Great trips around Europe
We had plenty of those

But mom...
There's so much more to it
It's your being strong for your child
Your protection no matter the cost
And finally...in the end...
You admit that you were wrong
No excuses
No you did the best that you could
Because mom, if that's the case
Your best wasn't good enough

Now that I'm grown...
I needed security, safety, to be around
everyone who cared about me
To have a reason to get up in the morning,
to get dressed, to leave the house
I really needed the money that I was making

But what did you do...
You threw me to the wolf
Left me to the dark
Left me to deal with the abuse alone
Took away my reasons, my safety,
my financial net
You took my way out
Without a thought, a care
It was so easy for you to do

You let the darkness have me one more time
When I needed you strong
You let me go
I am left to the dark
To swim through and find my own way out
But no matter
I will
I will come out stronger
No thanks to you

That's alright though
Because to you I just live in the past
Don't trust God to see me through
And maybe I do see the past way to much
But mom...My past is my present
The abuse never stops
No matter how much I am on my knees
I am left to the dark
It's not my first trip
I made it through before
I will do it again