A lifetime of memories fill a mother's heart.
Mine all came rushing to the surface today.
My son is twenty-one.

Treasured images slowly crawl through my mind, as I savor each one.
The tiny newborn, the smallest in the nursery, asleep behind the glass,
who, thankfully, inherited my ears.

The crawling infant in a too-large cloth diaper,
as he disappears into another room.
His first steps that would lead to so many more adventures.

The toddler, dressed in a red velvet suit with short pants,
toddling across the room at Annette's wedidng, eighteen years ago.

He toddled all over my world, all over my house,
spinning an entire roll of toilet paper into a pile on the floor.
Pulling drawers out in the kitchen to use for stairs,"
tiptoeing up to open the refrigerator,
then sitting inside on the bottom level and happily
gulping from a two-liter bottle of Coke.

Those were some wild days, but fun, passing all too quickly,
what with the activity of four children at home.
Mendy and Chad were 7 when Keith was born; Brian 10.
Long ago years, now sadly left behind,
for they can never be recaptured.

The perpetual motion of time herds us all forward.
We have no choice but to follow.

With the birth of a fifth child, Kristina by name,
A new era emerges when 5-year old Keith identifies himself
with the fame of others.

The fame of the Lone Ranger that often found him dressed to ride,
complete with cowboy hat, black mask, holster and guns.

Followed shortly by the attire of Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future.
Even when asleep, Keith wanted to portray his likeness.
Just the right shirt--white, marked with tiny dark squares, I believe,
with jeans and suspenders, one strap placed strategically across his arm, which of course lay behind his back, in movie fashion.

Alas, while still a young man of seven,
circumstances pulled him away from his own personal heaven.
New challenges, new faces, and new places would invade his space.

Some were pleasant, such as those of his cousins,
John and Matt and Tim.
Some were distressing, some simply unwelcome, and some very sad.

He faced some lonely days without Dad,
and all but one sibling left behind.
Together, the three of us faced long months,
when pocket change was all we had.
The transition did not come easy.

Parental error later added to his frustration, his confusion.
Imperfections that shattered the little-boy fantasies he had always treasured.

Re-playing his struggle still fills me with shame and regret.
I pray now that only the words and deeds Christ would have him remember, will be clear.
For no parent is perfect, no human plan ideal.

The years that followed his freshman year in high school are pretty much a blur, a time seen only through a mother's tears, spent on bended knee.
The hardest task I was ever given was to entrust his life to God's keeping."Sounds ridiculous, since no one could watch over him with perfection, save God alone.
No one could know te perfect path for him,
but th e One who coudl see the obstacles and rewards that lay ahead.

Frightening nights and dreadful days seemed to linger,
bringing one scary challenge after another.
Sill I prayed, from the depths of my soul,
for guidance, safety, and wisdom,
for a hedge against Satan's arrows.

My son has been gone from home for five long years now.
He is a man.
Yet how often do I wander back in time, and hold him in my arms,
remembering the early years,
before I hurt him,
before real life ever touched him.

My heart clings to the memories, as I struggle to forgive myself.
Peace coming only as a result of God's presence in my life,
still teaching me to beome more like Christ.
 

I am so proud of you, Keith.
So pleased with the great job God has done raising you
in spite of the many challenges, heartaches and disappointments you have endured.  So many, at such a young age.

My prayer is for a future sparkling with God's love,
the love of a good Christian woman,
the adoration of children at your feet.

My prayer is that you wll continue to grow in Chirst,
and walk in His ways.

Happy birthday, Keifer, with all my heart.
I love you--and miss you everyday.

I release you to manhood,
yet forever in God's keeping.
Memorize James 1:19,a nd find peace along life's journey.

With all my love,

Mom

6-20-2002

James 1:19

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:  For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.