We all knew your time was coming.
In fact, I’d known for several years.
But, those first moments after it happened,
I’ve never known such fear.
We had danced around the subject,
unwilling to give up hope.
Then they gave you 30 days
and I felt like such a dope.
I thought I had prepared,
that I knew how I’d react.
But, the brain gets really scrambled,
when knowing turns into fact.
That day my world just crumbled.
The next few days were such a blur.
Weeks turned into months
but still, I found no cure.
During visitation, I was out of words,
but our oldest was by my side
and the way he conducted himself
made me nearly burst with pride.
It seemed he had a strength,
which must have come from you.
Everything was strange,
but he knew just what to do.
Our youngest really struggled,
but he wouldn’t let it show.
He kept it bottled up inside,
he’s the sentimental one, you know?
At first, I was disappointed,
but later we conversed.
The guilt that he was feeling,
he never had rehearsed.
Your Mom and Dad shared a hug
and spoke for a moment or two.
We were all so glad to see it,
even as we mourned for you.
When we gathered to say goodbye
and send you on your way,
your Mom and sisters helped me,,,
they still do, to this very day.
Our big old house felt empty,
no longer like a home
and I knew I couldn’t make it,
at least not completely on my own.
Vern Gosdin may have said it best
as I listened all alone.
He said you don’t know lonely
“Until it’s chiseled in stone.”
Your Aunt Mary and Aunt Pat
helped clear out all your things.
Sundays I’d go to church
then cry when the choir sings.
I took comfort with a friend
who seemed to understand my pain.
We dried each other’s tears
and helped keep each other sane.
Somehow it didn’t feel right,
your memory couldn't be replaced.
I vowed it always would be honored
and that you’d never be disgraced.
I moved on several times,
lovely ladies were they all.
But, love never overcame me
seemed I wasn’t able to fall.
I still carry on,
though at times I wonder why.
But, our two boys still need me
and at times, I help them to get by.
I marvel at the men they’ve become,
knowing they share your wisdom.
And the lessons that you taught,
they still carry with them.
The oldest now has a wife.
She reminds me somewhat of you.
I know she loves her two daughters’
and I know that you would too.
The youngest also has a daughter
that you never got to know.
All three are truly little angels
and I know you’d love them so.
They all seem to care about me
and I enjoy watching as they grow.
I know they’d make you proud
and that’s all I really need to know.
And so I muddle through,
as the months turn into years,
I often think of you
and still, it often ends in tears.
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