Tonight it was raining
so I walked outside..
I wanted to feel the cold hard drops
of water hit my skin
on this dark night..
I wanted the water to drench me..
drown me..
seep into my soul..
I wanted to freeze myself
from the inside out..
So no one could ever see
what I am really about..
Sometimes I feel like I am frozen..
as if my heart is made of snow..
Just frozen solid..
My face a mask..
of crystallized ice..
Not showing how I really feel
Just existing..
Never resisting.
Always smiling..
Never missing..
Just what everyone is expecting..
But to walk into the
warm heat of the house..
could break this mask I wear..
Crack the crystallized ice..
Jagged across my face..
Then everyone could see
the ugly inside of me..
Then I would slowly painfully
melt away..
Leaving nothing but a puddle of water
for someone to mop up the next day..
Because that is all I really am...
A sculpture of ice..
My mind frozen solid..
my heart as cold as snow..
Because that is how I really feel..
if you really want to know..
I am only pretending
to please ..
what everyone wants me to be..
Keeping myself frozen..
Staying out of the heat..
So I don't hurt the people I love..
and no one ever has to see..
who I really am.. what I want to be.
So I am but a sculpture..
of what you want in me

Erica