My father.. I guess you left me for the last time. Thanks for the memories.

So you left with..
my heart in your fist..
you squeezed and you squeezed
until all the blood exploded on the floor..
Your bloodied foot prints out the door..
But it doesn't matter..
I won't be needing that heart anymore..
Keep it as a trophy..
Put it high up on your shelf..
Consider it your Emmy..
You earned it all to well..
You were the actor to beat
any I have ever seen..
You fooled me into loving you..
hiding your true being.
I knew you could be cruel..
You liked to cultivate your victims.
But I talked myself into believing..
I was not one of them...
I made myself believe
I was somehow too special..
to ever end up
on your little shelf..
Well, shame on me ..
and shame on you..
You took the last trust
from the heart
of your own little girl..
You took my one and only dream
I had left in this world..
You twisted it
you bent it..
You made it ugly ..
you made me scream..
The pain so intense..
I wished I would die
You were my father..
Why?
Daddy why?
How could you be so blind..
Not see
The love that we had
was special to me....
I gave you all I had to give..
When I knew you had
a short time left to live
My last chance at a family..
So I gave you my heart..
to do as you please..
Trusting you would never hurt
that little girl in me..
Praying I had finally found..
my father
My family..
Until I felt that final squeeze..
Just before you passed..
your last tribute to me..
To take my heart with you..
I hope that you are pleased..
You have left me here bleeding..
on the floor on my knees...
Looking at your bloody footprints..
from my heart
you left upon my floor..
Still wishing..
I had one more chance..
to see you just once more..
You did not honor
not one simple wish..
A few ashes from your body..
So I could make a stone..
I place that I could go
to be with you alone..
You will not see a tear
fall from these eyes..
I have nothing left..
You took it when you died..
So since you left without a thought to me....
I say to you Good bye..
May God welcome you
and keep you close to his side..
Know that I still love you..
and think of you each day...
Hoping and praying..
you are happy in heaven always..
Perhaps one day when it is cloudy..
when God sends the rain..
I will look into the heavens..
and find my heart again.

ERICA