I take the razor..

slice my skin..

Watch the blade .

don't feel a thing..

So I do it deeper..

Pain has become my friend...

Pain seeker that I am.

I take this lighter..

make a flame..

I now show scars

of the emptiness within..

Watching flame over skin..

I see it blister

smell flesh burn..

But it still does not

cover this pain..

This pain from within..

Pain seeker that I am..

I see old scars

from blades and burns..

Some lessons are never learned..

I know all this sounds insane..

Trying to end my life

with one slice of a vein..

Ironically..

Death was not always my goal..

Most of the time I wanted

simply to let go..

I need to feel the physical pain..

It helps to hide ..

Heartbreak inside

The pain within is the worst by far..

Worse than razors..

Worse than fire..

It is an eternal pain..

these memories and emotions

won't let me be..

I must be crazy..

Maybe insane..

As I watch blood

Fall like rain..

I see my life falling..

I know this is the end..

No more looking for

good in this life of sin..

I let go of this life..

Pain seeker that I am.

After all I am

The seeker of pain..

The me of the past..

See me.. the girl over there..

the one with bandaged arms..

strawberry hair..

The one with has no face..

just a number..

She has no family

She doesn't want friends..

She is just another girl

in the system of

warehoused children..

How those years

continue to haunt me

Feeling so unwanted

scared

alone

guilty and imprisoned..

For what ..

she is never told ..

She is just a number..

a girl with no face

no name..

That child..

that girl..

that seeker of pain.

ERICA