Knife
Sliced
Body opened
Removal of the unfit
Let life reside

Tomorrow
Next day
And every day after
Hysteria of
Hysterectomy
Tears
And a wish for the hereafter

Months go by
Tears flow and flow
Grief
Insanity
Please I beg me
Sadness take a f-ucking walk
I will not be depressed
I absolutely refuse to accept this
My life, it is alive

And then tears again
I am so sad
So empty inside

Is it the consequences of my actions
Or the chemistry in my blood
That tricks me into thinking
Sadness is my friend
That makes my heart bleed
And makes me wish to recede

True there was no child
That left my womb
No sounds like this
Mommy, Mommy
Surrounding my life

But my heart is still in me
And in that heart
I see
A sea
An eternity
Of tears so big
Tears so strong
Tears and fears
All mixed up inside

And then one day
A pill came my way
A SAM-e whammy
That made me smile

It took my dread
And left me with meaning instead
It is the anti-venom to my curare high
As I finally let out a great big sigh

So now I know
The depth of sad
And now I know
The height of joy
And now I am
Amongst the living
Amongst the alive
And not
The living dead


I started taking 400 mg of SAM-e on Saturday June 7 and within days I was lifted from my depression. The most amazing part was that I finally stopped crying. I guess that was the key to knowing that I was clinically depressed and not just going through a phase. It all started days after my hysterectomy last September.

Even though SAM-e is available over the counter in the U.S, I strongly recommend that anyone see their physician prior to taking any drugs.