There when my eyes first opened - and until the whites did fade, the self I once remembered - lay shivering in the shade.
My daily futile battle - to dominate this beast, succumbs to mortal weakness allowing it to feast…
My physical face was morphing; the mileage from the shame, my body it did suffer, and my “hunger” was to blame.
The demons that possessed my life - increased as I consume, once thought to help me interact, I then wouldn’t leave my room.
Alone I suffer, many I hurt, in the stillness I do cry, “Addiction” only ceases, when I surrender or I die…
By loved ones once surrounded, my virtue they did praise, a good life I created, fortune filled my days.
Until the storms came calling, tempted into rain, the haze to slowly lower - infested with the pain.
Forsaking all I valued, to quench an unrelenting thirst, priorities placed at number two… being “altered” came in first.
I no longer knew who I was, my friends would say the same, my best friend in the bottle, and we were often joined by shame.
I fought like mad, I fought like hell, I struggled in the night, and on bended knees I looked above, and asked God to send the light…
My will was slowly slipping, into darkness I did fall; the old me my family’s mourning - the disease they could not stall.
Approach me they did, and try and save a soul whose promise had gone bleak, for if I wished to rise back up, some assistance I must seek.
I used to think “surrender”, was like “throwing down your gun”, and walking with the shameful where the brave once used to run.
I know it’s to no longer - allow my ego to roam; it’s letting someone else to drive - who knows the way back home.
Renovations, evolution, from self will I must be free, my soul’s true inner calling, a new life I must now see…
Up a few steps I lumbered, and yet down a few I fell; to many stories I listened, as well as mine too I did tell.
Stories of hope, stories of pain, and stories of consequence, the anger justifiable, and the reasoning made no sense.
Fellowship a new found treasure, replacing solitude, I now had tools and words of hope, to hush a bitter mood.
Once never trusting anyone, and never feeling love, but now my life has faith and purpose, that’s leveraged from above.
Together we struggle, strong we stand, on bended knee we pray, to give us more serenity, and one more sober day.
The life I lead now vibrant, with purpose and with force, my dreams are now so vivid, my spirit’s found its course.
Human service is the answer- to exquisitely feel free, when the focus radiates outward - upon others and not just me.
Don’t ever forget your darkness, or let go of the light, and keep your spirit lifted, and always do what’s right.
And when you feel like you’re falling down and sinking in the sand, just reach out to your brethren, they will extend a hand.
Remember that you are human, and evil it may call, and temptation it can cripple, even one who’s standing tall.
So when you feel you’re suffering, and alone you want to cry, seek support from your cherished ones, - extend your spirit to the sky.
Lesser do I struggle, and lesser do I cry, I simply had to surrender, because I didn’t want to die.
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To your continued success
Barbara Henry
Be always safe,
Karen