I told my baby I was heading
Out the door,
When it came to her
I couldn’t take no more.
“Are you going to Massapequa
Like you did before,
To that hussy who seemed to like
Your knuckles dragging,
On the floor?”

I’m not telling you
About my plans,
All my friends know
That I’m a man’s man,
I don’t cook or clean,
Or watch the clan,
I don’t do windows or diapers,
Or pots and pans.

“Do you think that you’re telling me
Something I don’t know?
You’ve never even held
A bottle of Mop N’ Glow,
And when I ask
When you’ll be home,
It’s always, ‘I don’t know’.
We’re really going to miss you,
When you finally go.”

I’ll be gone a while,
Are my underwear clean?
Have you ironed my slacks,
Why are you so mean?
“It’s just because I love you.”
You know, I love you too.
“And moments like this,
Are so fun to do.”

Yes, I’m going to Indianapolis,
For a boring trade show,
And I’ll miss you more,
Than you’ll ever know.
“No, when it comes to love,
I’ll miss you more,
Even though your knuckles
Drag across the floor.”

So maybe when I get back,
We can catch a show,
A little dinner before,
And then we’ll come home.
My greatest joy
Comes from moments like this,
And when I’m gone,
It’s you I miss.

As for the hussy from Massapequa,
That’s a really good joke,
One that my sister would take well,
I truly hope.
No, for me my dear,
You are the only one,
And it is to you I come home,
When the day is done.