A Song of a Born Again Progressive

When I was in my twenties,
I tarred my face in black--
But now I'm progressive
And take my errors back.

I never liked those faggots,
Those trannies and the dykes--
But I'm progressive now
And I can see the light.

The Negroes, the Hispanics--
I pander to them all
Because I'm progressive
With all-inclusive soul.

Yes, I respect the women
And fight for equal pay
Especially when horny
And trying to get laid.

Some say I'm a hypocrite,
But I've paid my dues
By voting democratic,
Rejecting my old views.

Let’s tax the rich and limit
Our carbon dioxide--
While I pretend to care
For your pathetic lives.

And everyone's a fascist,
Who disagrees with me
Because I'm progressive
And hate disunity.

So cast your votes now--
I'll give it all for free--
Your college, health insurance,
Save for your liberty.

'Cause you are dumb and stupid
And cannot understand
That I'm here to save you
And lend a helping hand.


                October 26, 2019
              --Alexander Shaumyan