A poem written for my own healing

“Time heals all wounds”
I’ve often heard
And sometimes said

Through sorrow and pain
Words are my defense
Against the hurt and sadness

When illness was found
I laughed at the jokes
Even told some myself

When that illness spread
I hid my fear in smiles
Never telling what I felt

As things worsened
We made plans to be there
But played it off as nothing

Our life was second
To the needs of him
But that didn’t matter

Time continued as it does
And we pressed onward
With the weight of an illness

Timelines passed without notice
Sickness were frightening
But he always recovered

Life played forward
Slow during times of sickness
Fast in times of good health

Even in the hard times
Bills have to be paid
Paying them kept me away

At home times got worse
But he pressed me on
And I bent to the pressure

Three hard months
Preceded the end
But I was away for most

Luck favored me
I was supposed to leave
The day it came

With an unreal swiftness
That I can’t believe
And a certain inevitability

The common signs
Didn’t come that day
And I deceived myself

So many recoveries
So many second chances
No more chances

The illness that took him
Took less then 24 hours
To end his long struggle

My mother was with him
And so were two sisters
I and my spouse were home

We had spent much time
On the day before
Holding on to him

Sleep called to us
And we answered
So we went home

An early morning call
We rushed there
But we missed him

I don’t know how
Life will go now
I just breathe

And each moment
I think of his smile
And sarcasm

I wonder what my words
Can do to help me
Through these times

And still I play
The game that he
Taught me in his way

Smile at the pain
Laugh at the fear
And wonder at the loss

So perhaps it’s true
The cliché mentioned
“Time heals all wounds”

But as for now
I wait to see
What will become of me