So, I don't watch much TV... have fun.

Reporter’s perfect smile is having an affair
With anchor’s sculpted hair on channel five.
News director prays a lot for lucky money shot;
Cuts quick to bloody murder carried live.

Glamorous commercial sells feminine hygiene,
Followed by another if you can’t get it up
Sweating over centerfold weathergirl.
Face it;
There won’t be discreet tap on bedroom door,
Erotic daydream for premature,
Overweight,
Self-proclaimed, all star studs,
Anytime soon.

Social commentary,
Flip.
Fashion accessories,
Flip.
Sixty-nine ninety-five every month for cable
And there’s nothing on.
Please…

You want sports.

Baseball, football, basketball, darts…
Ice skaters’ skirts
Fulfill.

Doctor says cholesterol’s way too high.
Smoke two packs today, eat some cherry pie.
Bacon grease breakfast; lunch, cheeseburger, fries.
Soft-core for dinner; Hey! My beer’s run dry.

Hockey, boxing, volleyball breasts…
Gymnastic flirts
Engorge.

You need sports.

Moral majority,
Flip.
Foreign catastrophe,
Flip.
Marshall McLuhan, what are we supposed to do
When there’s nothing on?
Please…

Fictional reality bites, need a sedative,
Something to keep your mind off the wife while you
Whimper over centerfold weathergirl.
Get real;
You don’t need her to tell you which way the
Wind is blowing, check out her dress.
Think she’s yours?
In your dreams, Superboy…
Take out the trash.

Helicopter pilot spots perfect wreck from the air.
Gory exclusive, prime time drive.
Use it as a fluffer, ‘cause Bambi looks white hot.
Put her on topless before ratings dive.