This is a revised version of the original. With the help of some extremely useful critique, and what I think is a wonderful reordering of the piece, Cynth'ya Reed has helped transform this from something too ordinary into a much more powerful piece, I think. Thanks, Cynth'ya!
He sailed out on life late one April day
Flutters along like a battered sheet in the wind
Tossed around by self-induced storm
Sleeps at night on wet pavement memories,
Broken glass horizons, cheap gutter dreams
Replaced good intention.
He never was what he says he is,
Stutters along
a battered sheet in the wind
Eyesore, heartache, drunken liar…
he believes is his destination.
Mortgaged his future
for a ship in a bottle
His boat couldn't make port
Money ran out when a riptide came in
Wrote himself off with a smile.
Remembers more battles lost than won,
He holds close to pirates’ ghosts,
and long dead spies,
Friends that keep him alive
He waves goodbye
Old wives pass him by
Unplanned sons chose not to see
Preferring to forget
Funny how I clicked on this. I didn't think you were actually going to repost! (smile!) But I can't take credit for anything my dear Brother. It's the tried and true networking of being parts of various poetry groups, seminars, and readings both past and present that showed me how to pick a poem apart, and see it as a moving picture show. All I shared was an interpretation of what I saw in this, and YOU dear friend are the one who had the foresight to re-create something I only appreciated.
Thanks just the same for the kudos, I appreciate you and all the others here in this equal-opportunity Authors Den. (Don't you wish everybody was as accepting as we all seem to be my friend?)
blessin's
cynth'ya
Remnants of the past and illegitimate erasure. I like this one, Kevin. When you have spare, read my Lighthouse and Starve the Ravens and 19th Century Muse posted in my den. They have the ship theme. I love your line
From the author of Jupiter Remembered and Until It’s Time: Embracing Life In Our Later Years comes Petals of Love: Poetry of a Woman’s Soul – a heartfelt collection spanning more than thirty-five years. Through tender reflections, these poems offer g
Early Works is an exhaustive compilation of the first decade of the poems and stories of Z.B.McClure. Included are family photos, rare personal photos, photos of 1st draft manuscripts of many of his early poems. Also some biography and memoir materia
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Stutters along
a battered sheet in the wind
Eyesore, heartache, drunken liar…
he believes is his destination
powerful image
Love Tinka
Thanks just the same for the kudos, I appreciate you and all the others here in this equal-opportunity Authors Den. (Don't you wish everybody was as accepting as we all seem to be my friend?)
blessin's
cynth'ya
"Mortgaged his future
for a ship in a bottle."
Nice poem. Almost sounds like a memoir.
Sage