I wrote this poem shortly after I had to have an unexpected hysterectomy. I had no prior children either, this one was deep in my heart.

Back in the younger years we all used to say
Plenty of time yet don't worry or panic today
Little to our disguise we then had no idea
We need to realise it comes quicker than we fear

Our bodies grow and pain starts to ache
Right before our eyes we notice it's too late
Ovaries are gone, female body not quite complete
Have to suffer the dreaded hot flushes
And no nightly sleeps

For a child that's born and one that dies
I so longed to be a mum
Now at forty I cry.

Fate played a big part
In all that was meant to be
I accept the answers now
Knowing I have to face my reality
Little pieces of my heart now
Will just no longer live
I really could been a great mum
I knew I had so much to give
To not be a mum is a cruel thing
Had the gift of love and everything

The thing I lost the most of all
With having no kid's
Was the thrill of growing up
With the fulfilment
Of really starting to live
If I knew then,
What I know now in 2009
I would have had a child
In my younger years
That I could have called mine.

© Natisha Field 2014