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Bryan J Pentelow

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Sonnet on a First Draft
by Bryan J Pentelow → (All Poetry by Bryan J Pentelow)
Monday, January 23, 2017    Rated "G" by the Author.
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Not satisfied with your first attempt at writing? Then read this and feel better.

 Sonnet on a first draft with apologies to the Bard of Avon 

Shall I compare thee to a winters day? 

Thou art more dismal and depressing. 

Rough winds do lead my mind astray, 

And oh my memory is too short. 

Sometimes too hot my sentence runs, 

And often purpose slinks away 

Though fair intention aims the bow 

The arrow's path will often stray; 

So sit awhile I must in thought, 

And contemplate the stanzas done 

For long’s the road that I must walk 

Ere this work's twisted course is run

 Re-write a line for better fit and ease 

So those who read its finish will be pleased

 


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 Reviews of "Sonnet on a First Draft"
Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on January 24, 2017
You also missed a couple of possessive apostrophes. The particular pet peeve of mine. But as far as the phrases go, you have done the Bard well with these words, perhaps through several revisions.

Ron

Reviewed by Richard Cederberg
Reviewed on January 24, 2017
Is the first line supposed to be 'thee'? 'The' doesn't make any sense. Thinking and writing is an important confluence, as you allude. You've done well here. Peace. r

Reviewed by John Herlihy
Reviewed on January 23, 2017
Indeed, the creation of a poem can take us down a tortuous route. This did, however, seem to come with ease, and yes, I do feel well pleased. John


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