Is it soo hard to ask

that my life be stable and set on track

That I become the man that you called me to be

That I live a life from bondage with a soul set free

Is it soo hard to ask to at least have one day without pain

That I could have peace in my heart and have my mind kept sane

that i could have a family thats fulfilled, whole and complete

women by my side who are true faithful helpmeets

 Is it soo hard to ask to simply give me a break

 that i can truly smile just for goodness sake

 Is it soo hard to ask that I don't have to struggle from within

 that i don't have to suffer for other peoples sin

is it soo hard to ask for women who do not cheat

 who i can be faithful too as they are faithful to me

 Is it soo hard to ask to give me focus to build

 to open doors for me so my purpose and calling can be fulfilled

is it soo hard to ask that I no longer be hospitalized 

so i can move forward to have my dreams realized

 is it soo hard to ask to be surrounded by ally's and friends 

to protect me from being backstabbed from enemies within?

 Is it soo hard to ask that I can have people in my life that I can trust

who won't turn on me when things get a little rough

I have been faithful too everyone, but none to me back

i have given my heart sincerely, but its never kept intact

I have sacrificed my life to raise others in care

but at the end I seem to be left alone standing there

I have loved as a Real man should love his wife

and still i get disrespected with no peace in my life 

Lust seems to control and ruin many each day

opening pandoras box so the enemy can lead us astray 

And I havee tried to teach others what you told me to teach

yet my own family never seems to measure up to anything I preach

How can people trust that what I teach is truth

If they cannot see in my family the full reflection of you?

If we destroy families as the gentiles who have built

and we show our true colors that we do not follow your will

if we act no different than the sinners in the earth

then whats the value of my leadership, whats my ministry worth?

If what I teach is only valued when things go good

 then its definetely not going to work during hard times as it should

 What did I do, that you'd curse me since birth

 that from child-hood to adulthood you'd allow me to be hurt

How can I keep praying if my prayers go unheard

If your spirits is not moving, How can i still trust in your Word?

I may have been strong, but I am now faint and I am weak

still you have not answered, yet still of you i seek

No matter how hard I try, I continue to fail

I desire soo much heaven, but I keep getting hell

 the assasins sat there, just waiting on me like prey

 and finally they have their chance of my life they would slay

But no, you let me live, I guess to suffer at their hands

to the point I can no longer see, your purpose and your plans

My shield has been cracked, and worn from constant assaults

 I don't feel I am winning, due to loss after loss

What did I do soo wrong, that you allow this for me

 show me my error, Oh Yahwah is my plea....

Hate is over-taking me, Fear has become ingrained

the war is taking its toll, the bombardments no longer tamed

Missle after Missle is chipping at my life

but the nuclear bomb that is catestrophic is the betrayal from my wife

and yet I am still trying to seek you and still trying to understand

Show me the Way oh Elah, Show me your plans

All I want is hope and fulfiment and Peace

All I want is unconditional love and true helpmeets

All I want is for my children to be whole and be happy

To be raised in an Edenic home with ther mommies and their daddy

All I want is to be a Leader that brings true change & hope

 with friends and disciples of who I can build with and grow

All I want is a family thats a true reflection of you

that will live up to the Jewish Values and of your Laws remain true

All I want are women who for me they have respect

 that the virtuous woman is what they always reflect

I am not asking for perfections, nor a life void of mistakes

I am asking for ginuiness, when nothing in my life is fake

I am asking for a little help to battle the forces against me

I am asking for confirmation that you still find value in me

I just really need to know that I am truly your Son

that no matter the battle, because of you i've already won

my confidence is low, my doubts are high

I am struggling each day not to shed a tear or cry 

i don't know what else to do or to whom else to go

you are the one who taught me, so coming to you is all i know..

Nobody can fix my marriage, my health or my life

except you oh Holy Spirit, only you can make things right

I am surrounde by too many who have listened to the wrong voice

They don't honor your Torah, but that is their choice

Many are cheering that my demise has come

Alot have betted that satan has won...

 So i am sitting here oh Elah, in my own shadowland

 with physical and emotional pain, with my face in my hand

I am tired of being sick, I am tired of being hurt

I am tired of giving my best, but inheriting the worst

I am tired of acting as if everythings ok

I am tired of this life, and living this way

give me freedom or give me death

but please don't ignore all my pleas for your help

if you truly love me, then please let me live

the life you have called me too, the vision i am to fulfill

I am tired of fighting, I am tired of being bruised

I am tired of being a sitting duck that other people use & abuse

I am tired of Sickle Cell Crisis, I am tired of being disrespected

I am tired of trying to be a light that gets deflected

I am tired of division, I am tired of WAR

I am tired of this type of life, I don't want this no more!!!

So if you are not going to rescue me, then let me die in my sleep

 and let me just hope my soul is yours to keep

Don't let me live to be joked or mocked another day

 take away my reproach, take it far away

 All I have asked for is Family and Succeess

That me, my wives and children are fulfilled and blessed

All I ask for is peace, its that simple and plain

to be what you have called me, exactly what you ordained

 Is that soo hard to ask, too hard to be fulfilled?

Not mine oh Yahwah Elah, but all is in your will!!!!

Rabbi-Cohane Shalomim Y. HaLahawi