Cops from space

My poetry isn’t innovative enough, they say

but I shouldn’t take it personally they say

perhaps if I galloped the words around the edges of the page it would be innovative enough

or typed it from the bottom of the page to the top

long lines uninterrupted by period or comma,

Would I be considered innovative enough?

I’ve always been innovative in other ways

but my feelings are not fresh enough, I am not fresh enough

if they only knew the struggle I have gone through to attain this unacceptable peace 

the torments of mind and soul, swept away to a loony bin twice now

would those emotions be more acceptable to those who make the decisions?

what about the days spent trembling because I was alone in the house

or nights spent with ear against the wall convinced somebody had planted a waterfall behind it

with the purpose of driving me insane

I could write of the night I tried to jump out of the car while my husband drove me to the hospital

so convinced was I that I would land safely

or the dent that is still in the walls of the quiet room

from the bible I hurled against it

the cops I beat with my bare fists as they lifted me onto the stretcher in order to tie me down

their arms covered in black padded gloves I thought

they were some kind of sinister messengers from space

would this be more acceptable to those who make the decisions?

would it be considered innovative?

Janet Bellinger

c 2006