my parents moved
after something like 30 some-odd years
in the same house
they moved
bugged me
them moving
but there it is
it’s not that I hate their new place
they had it built themselves
everything new and shiny and nice
it’s just that
I
loved the old place
it was where I grew up for crying out loud
where I climbed out the window
and watched the sunsets
and made out with boyfriends out front
woke up sunbathing with a rattler under
my chair
all of that
my memories are there
or
are they
in me
part of who I am
is it the house
or is it the love that was In the house
the love
that I’ve known all my life was there
the love that is still and always will be
there wherever family is
I have always been so independent
so out
to Prove myself
so out to Make it on my own
I can stand on my own to feet
always have always will
and then when everything seems in place
when
I feel like I have it under control
on top of the world
bam
you get hit
with the reality that
things
change
like it or not, nothing stays the same
children grow, leases run out, relationships end
your parents move
and you know that that part of your life
your foundation, your basic, always will be there
if I want to go home
is gone
forever
there is no going home
home is in me now
not that I want to
not that there wouldn’t be open arms
just that
the house on the hill
is not ours anymore
someone else lives there
someone else is seeing the sunsets
making out with boys
climbing out the window
fighting off the snakes
and actually come to think of it
it makes me glad
that
someone else gets to have that
because
it is a great thing to have
I have it
I got to be there
I got to know what love is there
I know that it’s not the walls, the roof
the Christmas lights that never came down
I know that it’s not the patio where we
barbequed herds of ribs
or the oven that never really worked
or the too pointy counter tops
that drew blood from unsuspecting toddlers
or the long mirrored hall
that heard many a slamming door
I
know
all of that
I just miss it okay
I just
want the feeling that always covered
that place
that here is home
here is where We are
“mi casa es tu casa” emblazoned on
a piece of wood over the front door
home
is in me now
in the one we’ve created for our kids
where the ribs get cooked
where the pond soaks the boys
and friends gather to toast life
where the dogs run away
and the neighbors wave hi
this is home now
but
I will always love
that house on the hill
will always miss the laughter there
my parents moved
but before they did
but they taught me
the meaning of
home