I made it with you
& now you are a ghost
A summer way back when
High & too much beer was trouble
And I didn't say no
Because you worshipped me
& I hated myself
I was so young then & so lost
You had spent weeks showing up
At my house with dandelions
& begging for just one kiss
Or you swore you would die
A beautiful boy dotted with freckles
With long shiny hair & a wide smile
Bursting with laughter & joy
Years later you'd still ask too often
If I remembered that night
I'd tell you to shut up
Because I was ashamed of you
& more ashamed of myself
Though you'd bedded lots of girls
You'd say I made the sweetest love
As if it had happened yesterday
& I was a goddess of Eros
Like I was an amazing lover
With a sense of wonder in your voice
& all I could do was run
Knowing I had hurt you by giving
Too much & too little of myself
Because I did not feel more for you
But to be fair, I did not feel much at all
Back in those days when I hardly knew myself
You are gone now because we all
Could not handle your desperation
Because we could not face our own
Your pain that spilled out
Over the edges in public places
Crying out for help too loudly
The truth is that you
Made the sweetest love in life
It was too much caring, too much feeling
For a world grown so cold
You loved too much to make it
& in the end you drank too deep
Of our shame, of our heads turned away
Because we could not face the truth
Of ourselves, of our pasts, of you.
Edwin