I answered the phone and my sister said, "Dad is in ICU."
"Inspector Gadget"...my Dad
He always needs the latest gadgets
He has to have them all
Then his heart beat irregularly
And Dad took a mightly fall
The Doctors fixed him up, they did
And in his chest they put
The greatest gadget of them all
Enabling him to live...
Thank you Doctors!!!!!
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Reviews of "Dad is in ICU..."
Reviewed by Jenna Daniel (Reader)
Reviewed on November 9, 2004
This is a nice one. I've been snooping around AD for a while, well, a couple of days anyway, and this one stands out.
Line 1: I like how you started with "He" instead of "Dad". You invoke an introductory process, and it lends more ammunition to line 4 when you DO use the word Dad.
Line 2: This line strikes me as repetetive, but it is functional in terms of supporting a lead into "fall" on line 4.
Line 3:We begin to sense the problem. My husband always says all great works of literature pose and resolve some type of problem.
(He's working on his MA in literary criticism, and he teaches literature, so I assume he knows what he's talking about. But, I personally wonder about that. I keep trying to imagine a story without a problem/resolution, but so far I haven't been able to, so one day I might surrender to his claim. Anyway, you've got the problem/resolution thing going on in your poem which gives readers a feeling of satisfaction.)
Line 4: I enjoy the double layers in the word "fall". On one hand it evokes images of him literally falling, which we don't know for sure if he did, BUT it still evokes that image and makes us wonder if he fell, but also also I think of "fall" in terms of a transcendent nature, like how he is at the end of his life and his rise to adulthood is over and he is now slipping, falling, as we all will do into the suck of death. (I paused before I typed death. It's a frightening word, and I don't want to upset you.)
Line 5: Nothing comes to mind for line 5 except that the purpose of this line is to introduce the doctors. It's functional.
Line 6 and 7: These are the best two lines. We experience surprise. It's an unexpected thought provoking twist. Almost ironic. I know what it is! It just occured to me! Good poetry makes you see the unfamiliar in the familiar. Do you understand? It makes us see familiar things in new and unexpected ways. You do that with what I am assuming is an artificial heart. We no longer look at artificial hearts the same way. From now on we see the gadgetry in them and perhaps we are also reminded of gadgetry driven people like your dad and we wonder about the power of gadgets, enabling people to live and such. Speaking of which, last line.
Line 8: I don't think this line is necessary only because we infer it already in line 7. I think the best poetry, stories, and films set the audience up to infer instead of spoon feeding them what they have already discerned. This is assuming you are writing for an intelligent audience, and I think the best writing always makes this assumption.
Really nice poem that is worth the study and worthy of a sapient review. Thanks for the pleasure.
i pray he gets better..."inspector gadget," LOL, i think all men are like that...pray for my dad, he's got a tumor in his spine...the docs don't think it's cancer, but you never know...give your dad a (((gentle hug))) from me, and ((((HUGS)))) and love to you, karla. :)
Lynn, I love this poem. It is written with the warmth of love of a daughter who loves her Dad. The love between a daughter and her father is so precious. I know, I had a wonderful Dad, who now lives in heaven with my heavenly Father. To this day, I miss him dearly, yet the moments we shared together were precious indeed. God bless Lynn's Dad, and the wonderful daughter that he has. You are in my prayers ...Valerie
Reviewed by Ron (sketchman) Axelson (Reader)
Reviewed on March 23, 2003
I'm happy your Dad is going to be OK...
Ron Axelson
Re-Release! No longer back-listed. Return to the Olde Ways. The hustle and bustle of modern day life has brought many of us to a quick fix attitude.This book is for those of you who are fed up; have looked at your life and your loved ones and realize
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Line 1: I like how you started with "He" instead of "Dad". You invoke an introductory process, and it lends more ammunition to line 4 when you DO use the word Dad.
Line 2: This line strikes me as repetetive, but it is functional in terms of supporting a lead into "fall" on line 4.
Line 3:We begin to sense the problem. My husband always says all great works of literature pose and resolve some type of problem.
(He's working on his MA in literary criticism, and he teaches literature, so I assume he knows what he's talking about. But, I personally wonder about that. I keep trying to imagine a story without a problem/resolution, but so far I haven't been able to, so one day I might surrender to his claim. Anyway, you've got the problem/resolution thing going on in your poem which gives readers a feeling of satisfaction.)
Line 4: I enjoy the double layers in the word "fall". On one hand it evokes images of him literally falling, which we don't know for sure if he did, BUT it still evokes that image and makes us wonder if he fell, but also also I think of "fall" in terms of a transcendent nature, like how he is at the end of his life and his rise to adulthood is over and he is now slipping, falling, as we all will do into the suck of death. (I paused before I typed death. It's a frightening word, and I don't want to upset you.)
Line 5: Nothing comes to mind for line 5 except that the purpose of this line is to introduce the doctors. It's functional.
Line 6 and 7: These are the best two lines. We experience surprise. It's an unexpected thought provoking twist. Almost ironic. I know what it is! It just occured to me! Good poetry makes you see the unfamiliar in the familiar. Do you understand? It makes us see familiar things in new and unexpected ways. You do that with what I am assuming is an artificial heart. We no longer look at artificial hearts the same way. From now on we see the gadgetry in them and perhaps we are also reminded of gadgetry driven people like your dad and we wonder about the power of gadgets, enabling people to live and such. Speaking of which, last line.
Line 8: I don't think this line is necessary only because we infer it already in line 7. I think the best poetry, stories, and films set the audience up to infer instead of spoon feeding them what they have already discerned. This is assuming you are writing for an intelligent audience, and I think the best writing always makes this assumption.
Really nice poem that is worth the study and worthy of a sapient review. Thanks for the pleasure.
Ron Axelson
~E