While you were trying to define sin
I collected
fallen bits and pieces on the garage floor,
flying sparks finding their way through
coughing clouds of obstructed whiteness.
And... I took the weight of life -
its heavy flesh loaded on an old truck,
noisily begging the engine
to climb up the crumbly track -
to meet lightness
and, on that rough road,
a roaming mind
looked for fuel and meaning,
experimenting through the body,
seeing despite the greasy darkness,
feeling even through the dizzying fumes
of organized life.
But... that's the conscience
trying, growing,
making opposite worlds meet
at the end of the moth-eaten path.
And... while I am living,
(I wouldn't be surprised to learn that)
you are still trying to define sin.
"And... while I am living,
(I wouldn't be surprised to learn that)
you are still trying to define sin."
Some people live their lives inside their own head, while others simply "live". I believe that you are the latter, and don't get polluted by the other type.
Ed.
A fine metaphorical expressive write, Axilea. This poem, like so many of yours, is deserving of much more than a single reading. Thank you. Love and best wishes,
And... I took the weight of life -
its heavy flesh loaded on an old truck,
noisily begging the engine
to climb up the crumbly track -
to meet lightness
Your work is unique. The metaphors you use, pure perfection. I've never read anything of yours and been let down. This is no exception. Excellent, Axilea.
Sounds more like it is time to put some weight on that old gas pedal and look for greener pastures where you can breathe and be the beautiful person you are....
The symbology of that old truck,as others have suggested in their reviews, is deep. When I think of it for some reason or other I picture this batterd old truck struggling to make it to the top of the mountain and along the way meeting Moses with his clay tablets to show your friend...sin has already been defined.
Great one Axilea,
hugs
Fee
Girl, you have to break free, you need to put that truck in third gear and cruise on out of all of it. Time is of the essence, we all need some change and it is a coming...Absolutely wonderfully written and the depth in this piece can take one anywhere..I love this, You are amazing.
Peace, love and light,
Amber "V"
defining sin-- defying sin-- me, frying sin-- deep-fried skins-- really fine skin-- refined skin-- divine skin -- skin, de-vined-- sin, defined :)
I love the atmosphere that holds through this whole piece-- the truck's image that carries throughout. But most of all, I love what you say in it. I've got a big old beat-up truck (blue) too. And my clutch isn't so great, so going uphill sometimes is a doozy-- but, although I can't get it to go very fast, I can always manage to turn it around and put it in reverse-- a regular "Mator", my truck... and it's got good breaks. So, when all else fails, there are always those. Sounds like yours is a gas-guzzler. Sorry for that, with the price of fuel and all going up-up-up. Faith: the perpetual fuel. Keep on truckin', sister. --Cher
As always, your work is unique... the words seem to blend altho often beginning in completely diff directions... each line has it's meaning... I like this very much. you are a true poet... unlike a silly one like me... kep it up... lindalaw
Conscience grappling behind the heavy wheel of an old familiar truck with that familiar sin sounding engine groaning within a rusting frame creaking and battling its toilsome way up that long, winding steep and narrow road heading relentlessly for the light on the horizon that never seems to draw any nearer. And so it must be while there is fuel in our tanks.
Thought provoking and also soul searching alegorical work.
This poem is chock full of unique analogies and deep meanings. I tried to pick out my favorite lines, but there were too many, and I realized that in reality it was the combined meaning of the lines that I loved.
Searching for meaning while traveling to meet lightness...
The captivating music of birds and the enchanting beauty of roses have, each in their own right, inspired people around the world for as long as anyone can remember. How the two combine with the challenges faced by a struggling writer in Georgia to c
The captivating music of birds and the enchanting beauty of roses have, each in their own right, inspired people around the world for as long as anyone can remember. How the two combine with the challenges faced by a struggling writer in Georgia to c
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(I wouldn't be surprised to learn that)
you are still trying to define sin."
Some people live their lives inside their own head, while others simply "live". I believe that you are the latter, and don't get polluted by the other type.
Ed.
Iam constantly looking for fuel though.
And I found ample in the wonderful write.
Thank you
Tony
Regis
And... I took the weight of life -
its heavy flesh loaded on an old truck,
noisily begging the engine
to climb up the crumbly track -
to meet lightness
Perfection, or as near as we can get. - David
Be always safe,
Karen
John
Great one Axilea,
hugs
Fee
Peace, love and light,
Amber "V"
I love the atmosphere that holds through this whole piece-- the truck's image that carries throughout. But most of all, I love what you say in it. I've got a big old beat-up truck (blue) too. And my clutch isn't so great, so going uphill sometimes is a doozy-- but, although I can't get it to go very fast, I can always manage to turn it around and put it in reverse-- a regular "Mator", my truck... and it's got good breaks. So, when all else fails, there are always those. Sounds like yours is a gas-guzzler. Sorry for that, with the price of fuel and all going up-up-up. Faith: the perpetual fuel. Keep on truckin', sister. --Cher
(((HUSG))) and love, karla.
Thought provoking and also soul searching alegorical work.
Regards
David
ET
stan
hitchhiking on that rough road, I hope you'll stop... -gene.
Searching for meaning while traveling to meet lightness...
Cryssa