I go along as if all is fine

even though it's lurking there behind

I pretend all is well

hiding from my hell

But something triggers it

and I'll go into a fit

Remembering the pain you caused me

makes me for a moment lose my sanity

Today while taking a shower

I flashed to when you took my flower

a spot of soap tasted on my lip

brought the memory in a torrid fit

I remembered washing it out of my hair

wishing it didn't happen or that I didn't care

I remembered crying and pleading

But you only saw what you were needing

I remember wanting but not able to scream

wishing to all the gods it was only a dream

But it wasn't a bad dream it was my reality

that now comes back to me on spurts of intensity

no one can understand

the hurt caused by your hand

I was not allowed to show the world

how you made me want to hurl

So now your memory taunts

forever in my mind you'll haunt

Coming out when I least want

I learn more about myself each time

and someday I will find

A way to end this tragedy

To one day be finally free

To find what it is I lack

To end these awful flashbacks