Did I choose this –
to allow my little girl apple heart
to splinter into six halves,
each with a seed hint
of who I am? Did I
know you might deem me
complicated to my missing core?

Did I willingly walk the gauntlet
into a world of flying spirits dark
and thick, adhering to me
like sun-baked oil,
blackened grime?
Was I sent to stand firm
in white light center
shone by God
and defy darkness
that seemed to consume?

Did I pick this of all bodies to wear,
knowing its history of decay,
its protruding folds of skin,
imbalanced chemicals,
funny duck toes?
Would I have wanted
this large nose?

Did I make up my mind
in heaven before I came to be
to face down monsters lurking
in distant memory, decide
here and now to slay
the dragon dead,
knowing I might forfeit
the life I might have had?

Is it true I could have loved you,
understanding I might lose
the perfect place to serve and
be betrayed by those
who were my family
and have to watch you
shrug your shoulders
and leave me
without saying you
missed me, too?

Might I have risen day after day
decades on end just to choose
to forgive and to love,
to surrender all
but that true flag
I came to raise?

I did.
I will.
I do.