Do you remember when I sat on the beach
for five days straight trying to let it all go? 

I listened to what the sand dollar had to say
and have done my best for these twenty years 
that have past since then.

And still the waves wash over me
and crash down on me. 

I am forever walking on a beach, alone, 
believing this tide will turn.


Do you remember when you asked me if I believed
in love at first sight and how I answered with such precision? 

I spoke truth oh so carefullly even then. How I have
done everything according to your wishes, unspoken
at first and later demanded outright. 

And still the silence wrings my heart
and leaves me thirsty, 

Always seeking to uphold my commitment
and also nourish the work with love, alone.


Do you remember when the leaf fell down upon me
and I followed it onto the highway, thinking death the only out? 

The angels intervened so many times I lost count. 
I saw and felt them there with you as well, 
ever sealing the both of us in love. 

And still I see them every night in my dreams, 
my heart pouding and breaking. 

They are always picking up after me
and handing my heart whole to me, alone. 


Do you remember when you told me you believed in me,
back before the beach or the awakening or the falling leaves?

I knew even then, but then I could pretend, hanging
like you in some perfect coccoon of purported protection
and refusing to be what I had become. 
 
Even now I hear the echo and see all the evidence
stacked against it but even still

Your words ring true and the truth reverberates
through all the places I've ever been, alone. 


Do you remember when I gave gifts to those who tortured me?
I loved you so much I let it spill out onto those who rallied to wage your war.

You had them call to thank me and still I sucked it in, 
rolled over and played dead, the truth alive and mounting
in pounds and prejudice against my soul.

I walked on, sure this love would be removed from me,
until I could no longer carry the weight of the world.

I cried rivers and oceans, walked endlessly, stricken,
in some forsaken valley of despair, alone.


Do you remember when the moon was a silver in the sky
and you had no room for hello or goodbye and life turned to ash?

By then I knew of course your persistent choice to deny your soul
was killing you, bit by bit by bit, and it broke me forever in two, 
made one only with a drastic measure of love.

Now, having circled the truth upon this page I am filled
with only compassion for the journey you too have made. 

I call to you and these wordless wails remain unanswered
by you, walking in circles, away from home, alone.


Remember now how beautiful we knew it would be
when we chose some other end before it all began?