Toward the end
when I told you how all in my life
had diagnosed me to death, tossing me about
like a curious football, some fascinating case,
only wanting to categorize me and tag me,
ship me off to be somebody else's problem
and get me the hell away from you 
who they had made into a monster
because none of it made any sense
and I could not yet trust that 
it really was God who spoke to me,
having believed the prince of this world
and his legion, some like you and them
unwittingly participating in a game 
of reduction not grandeur...

When I told you how 
they had written me off when you knew
I was the white rose always being offered,
did you simply find it some convenient lie
to mold into a truth for your own purposes?
Truly, until now, I would never have believed that
this was possible, that you would have
willingly placed an iron anchor
around my neck and tossed me
without a thought into the sea.
Even when I sat wrapped in a trenchcoat,
defeated by having followed your instructions
to a T, having already been lied about,
assaulted emotionally and dissected like a
worthless bug at a meeting that was meant to be
for my healing and some freedom, even 
looking into you eyes that had gone zombie-like
I did not think it possible that you would do
such a thing, that you cared so little.

You have no idea what your actions, 
whatever they may have been, stripped from me.
And I suppose the evidence shows
you did not care. And all that came after, 
the relentless pain and the constant rape
of my innocence as you, who had my heart
then added insult to injury and tortured me
to the point of insanity with what you put into 
the neat category of a dalliance that didn't hurt
anybody. My mind was not strong enough
and its collapse took more than just my ability
to learn and earn. Did you ever think of my child—
the one who clearly always rememberd you, too?

Did you see him in his little cowboy boots
with his giant heart and think nothing?
Did you know it stopped one day, his heart?
Did you know I lost another child in this life?
Did you know that river still runs alongside
the way I love you in spite of all of this?

I look into this mirror — for it is always a reflection
when we dare to see and I ask myself
do I know what you lost because of 
whatever I did or whoever you thought me to be?
And I do not. And while the evidence appears
to demonstrate quite clearly that there is no love
lost between us and you will keep your vow
of damnation and distance, I don't believe 
for a second that any of it matters.
Because we are meant for love,
and we have things to do in this life
regardless of such an obstacle of loss.

We will  move mountains and we will do more,
and this time the boat waiting by the shore
isn't just for one or the other of us and there 
will be no more games, no more one who wins
or pretends to have claimed victory while the other
is expunged from the record of life. There will be
only our mutual surrender to the truth of who we are.
Nothing can separate us from the love of God.
You had a long list that followed. Do you not remember?

I no longer care for all the rules about 
what we do and do not say in this world we call reality,
so spare me your judgment and condemnation.
I have had enough of it through time; yet,
all the same, I have no need for war.
I am a woman at peace, risen with 
healing in her wings, and love is the fuel
that has carried me. You did not kill it. 
You never will. And that love is the gift I will offer
if ever you should see me standing here.