A moment came today
when all the other wayward angels descended
and held me in their sway,
locking arms and encircling me.
I was driving and the car sputtered
and I was made to stop
in nearly the same spot
near the DQ where I saw you
when the car broke down that day.

I panicked, of course, for I knew
this was no accident, but a parallel,
yet another passage on this journey without end. 
Then I regained my calm, for I knew, too,
I long ago had forgiven you and 
the one you loved? or the one you were with
anyway that day. The angels insisted
I was not yet finished and must again
bear witness to the way you threw
your head backed and laughed the way I Ioved
and see again the way she touched your arm
and the way neither of you seemed to give a damn
about my life broken down or the car sitting there
in traffic fifty feet away and I and it
so in the way of harm. 

And then I saw the other angel here today watching
from a distance. I thought at first it was she again,
who paid with her life for what burden she carried
in her body beautiful, for she had come to me before.
But she too knew I had fully forgiven her.
As if sensing my confusion and with 
acknowledgement of my open heart,
she turned her head to stare heavenward
where Jesus sat, shining like the sun.
And then I smiled, no beamed with joy, willing
of course to fly straightaway to him.

But without speaking he, too, made it clear today
not even he was the reason I was here. But what?
And then: my blinding light, the voice
of God, emerging from the eerie stillness,
spoke and said, "You have not yet fully
forgiven me." At once I could see this as truth,
that, though I loved God with my whole heart
and had taken all action I knew to serve
and walk by faith, somehow, I was still
holding all the little moments that had
so destroyed me against the very God
who loves me. I saw the incongruency
but was afraid to release this.

I turned the key in the ignition again
knowing there was no reason for my car
not to start, knowing too this moment right now
was for me to choose: would I allow God's love
to fill my heart and overflow and dare again
to taste this pain and trust there would be healing rain?
So I withdrew the key and surrendered to bear witness,
consenting again to see, unsure in that moment
what strength would be given or what might be
taken from me. As soon as I allowed myself
to feel what I had felt and speak the same words
I had spoken to God that day... and hear the same
silence echoing... and see you turn, as if knowing, and look
right through me as if you couldn't see or didn't want to
see me there on the side of the road where
the angels stopped my car the other day...
and then I had to see again how I had looked
upon my broken life and how I had so judged
myself for weakness and made everyone
around me pay for my hatred of myself...

When I faced it today, a veil lifted and I passed through
the raised arms of all the angels and saw myself walking in the clear,
toward a garden in the distance where shone the light of God.
Then I was pulled higher or further back, then plunked
down again in time, two thousand years before and kissed again
his lifeless feet and knew somehow another something
had been now made complete. I sat absorbing
what was then and what is now, all being set free
in this moment. When I was ready, I turned the key.
The engine started. As I drove the car smoothly away 
the angels sang and the peace of God,
in that moment, came upon me
like a dove, a thing beyond
my understanding.