Before I burned the list I made
of all he showed me we were
to do together

I read it and wept 
as I had not wept in ages.
The two lives are ever the same.

After, it was no different
Still the grief lingered and still
I stood strong but crumbling inside.

I cannot deny
the way it changed me
not only then but now—

How now and then again
it left me bereft to watch it
slip away, so much held at bay

For so many. How it grieves me.
Who's to say what it might have meant
or what might have changed.

Ashes, ashes. We all fall down.
There is before and there is after,
now and then, again

it is one line ever curving
in a circle promise
unfulfilled.