Without protection or defense
still they come against me without
mercy—inexplicable rage
relentless, reckless, incessant.

I recall when I was a child,

of six, and I first realized

how my family and my school

and maybe even abusers

At house where I was sent to play

seemed all somehow connected, me

just a tiny thing passed from place

to place, separated from friends

And isolated in these seas

of people who no matter how

I showed my love preferred to shove

me to the side then find a smile

When anyone else was watching. 

I'd made a choice before those days

to, with every breath, hold fast to

love in life before I'd come here,

And I kept that promise through it.

Then when people I had loved turned

to attack me at 30 I

was dazed, confused as I had not

Done anything to my knowledge.

Suddenly they were saying I 

"needed help" and because I had

made such a healing journey and

Trusted wholly one connected,

I thought maybe this was true , so

I did what I was told to do

as prerequisite for some way

Forward. I presumed that maybe 

I had made a mistake, lost my

bearings, done something forgotten.

And then, while I was locked up in 

A nightmare scenario, lie

after lie was stacked, property

personal taken from office

into another's home. Naive

In sense I did not understand

I could report this and many

other things legally, holding

depth of my care for he I'd known

In other lives, treasured more than

anything, I could not make choice

to sue, mount retaliation.

Such action was not of my heart.

So I turned, rebuilt my life best

I could though blocked at every turn

by things so well hidden they were

designed to make me and others

Around me look crazy. This I

knew although there was little proof.

I faced forward, stood strong, found some

measure of success by standard

I set. Even this was attacked

by those I didn't even know. 

Sometimes rumors would make their way

to me but the source was unclear.

And why would I bother to hear

absurd accusations? Clearly

for these 30 years since 30

there is evidence of what I've 

Been doing. I wrote many books,

lived overseas, painted hundreds

of paintings, wrote 1200 poems

to save my sanity. I raised

A son I'm proud of in spite of

so many things taken I could 

not prove in court of law. I 

supported friend of my heart whose

Illness I believe was result

of what was stolen from his heart

by self-righteous church that kicked me

out for supposed sinful act

Never stated clearly. I walked
on, walked away, worked through so much.

Day by day I did my best, tried
to rest and to rise in my strength,

Given only by God. Still some
faceless enemy sent attack
after attack, never direct.
I could not discern why, detect

Source of such slanderous deceit.
So I held my head high and served
where I could, let it be okay
to be misunderstood. And then

There came a day when the angels
and ancestors revealed deeper
truth, a circle of deception
in only ones I trusted. So

Here I am again defenseless
and without protection except
for what I know by heart and all
God’s angels singing me to sleep

As if there I may be at peace
and find some safe harbor, some hope
for return to love remembered
and light-hearted life meant for me.