I seem to have come full circle in the course of 24 hours. I'm not sure whether the rotation of the planets has anything to do with what I have been experiencing internally but I know that it threw me for a loop emotionally.

I had been riding a current of gentle highs and lows lately, experiencing more highs than lows, but seeming to be able to ride out the tides. It was a welcome break from the extended pity party that I had been feeling the months prior. Suddenly, in the course of a day I felt myself being swept back under by a rip tide of emotions. I didn't know what hit me.

A vortex of feelings began to pull me under and I felt like I couldn't break free. I was struggling for air, trying to claw my way back to the top but I felt weak and out of control. I began to slip out of consciousness. I didn't want to go back to the old way of surviving but the tide kept pulling me out farther until I couldn't see the shoreline anymore. I felt sure that I would drown.

I needed someone to take my hand and pull me back into safety. I looked around and there was no one there. I just needed to rest and catch my breath. I needed a life guard. Someone who could keep me anchored emotionally. As I spun around I moved further away from that peaceful place that was so welcoming and warm. There was no one there to save me from these feelings. I felt lost and alone. My thoughts were of you and I kept calling out your name but you weren't there for me.

The reality of you not being here to hold my hand when I am drowning has become an abysmal prospect. I want to hold onto you because with you I can keep my head above water. I don't like the place I just left and I have no intention of going back to visit it anytime soon.

Hold me. I want to feel the safety of your arms. I need the comfort of your spirit. I want to be wrapped up inside of your love. I need you to lift me up.